Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

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Re: funny one liner...

Postby Mandrake » Fri Dec 13, 2013 5:26 pm



One of Tim Vine's:

    "You know, I'm not very good at magic - I can only do half of a trick. Yes - I'm a member of the Magic Semi-circle"


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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Discombobulator » Thu Jan 23, 2014 8:44 pm

Did you see that AA van outside? The driver was sitting there with his head in his hands and it looked like he was crying.
I thought, "that man is heading for a breakdown !"

¿ sɹoɹɹıɯ ʎq ǝuop ןןɐ sʇı
"who? no I dont know him", Derren Brown
"no idea who he is !", Kenton Knepper
"Is he a magician ?", Penn&Teller
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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Tue Oct 21, 2014 9:16 pm

Crikey - almost 9 months without a good joke being posted here? Well, this one won't change that at all:

    A guy told the doctor that he thought he was a deck of cards.
    The doctor just said, "Go sit over there. I'll deal with you later."
Like I said, no change here....

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Johnny Wizz » Sat Oct 25, 2014 9:08 am

I am selling my vacuum cleaner. It's only gathering dust!

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Fri Nov 07, 2014 2:45 pm

And now a late item of news…

    Interpol have asked the public to be on the lookout for Joseph Gomez, a Spaniard last heard of living in Tooting whose Mother was a nun in Barcelona. A one-time flautist with the Symphony orchestra, he is wanted for looting in Haifa where he worked on a farm. The public are therefore advised to be on the lookout for a Haifa looting fluting Tooting son of a nun from Barcelona, part time ploughboy Joe.

(from The Two Ronnies Sketchbook)

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Wed Dec 03, 2014 9:50 am

Johnny Wizz wrote:I am selling my vacuum cleaner. It's only gathering dust!


We could do a swap, I’m thinking about selling my theremin… I haven’t touched it in years.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Wed Dec 03, 2014 11:33 am

MrCat wrote:We could do a swap, I’m thinking about selling my theremin… I haven’t touched it in years.

That's the first Thermin joke I've ever heard!!!

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Wed Dec 03, 2014 2:53 pm

Ha, me too. It comes from '21 jokes so clever you probably won't get them', or in other words some seriously specialized geek jokes :)

Tho amungst my favourites were also:

An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. … But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.” A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”


...

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath…. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


... and that's definately quite enough of that :D

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Tue Dec 09, 2014 11:09 pm

I got lost driving home last night, fortunately I gave a lift to a Native American Indian hitchhiker who directed me 350 miles through the rain and the dark all the way home. He was a Sat-Navajo....

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Tue Dec 09, 2014 11:16 pm

Hahaha! Oh dear, damn you're going to distract me for hours now, I ought to leave this therad alone, ....Hmmm ok,

What should you do if there's a sink standing outside your door?....just let that sink in............I better unsubscribe now :D

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Fri Dec 12, 2014 11:53 am

Many people refer to their bathroom as 'John'. I call mine Jim because I can then honestly tell everyone that I go to the Jim every morning.....

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Mon Dec 15, 2014 12:52 am

Courtesy of The Two Ronnies:

Did you hear about the drunken bellringer who trtipped over the rope on Christmas Eve and caught his ding dong merrily on high?

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Mon Dec 15, 2014 10:10 am

My therapist said I should tell my wife about my obsession with magic tricks by writing her a letter. The trouble is I just can't pick up the pen and teller.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Mon Dec 15, 2014 11:56 am

:D

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Tue Dec 16, 2014 4:59 pm

I wanted to log in to this new website and it said I needed a password which was eight characters long. So I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

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