talkmagic.co.uk

Anyone know any good magic Jokes. Might make an interesting thread and good for a laugh

Q: How many Magicians does it take to change a light bulb?



(answer below)

quite a few here...

http://www.talkmagic.co.uk/viewtopic.php?t=1538

A: It depends on what you want it changed in to...

How many magicians does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

I don't know, how many?

bananafish wrote:quite a few here...

http://www.talkmagic.co.uk/viewtopic.php?t=1538

That may be so, but thats a restricted area & I can't view it

Also you can check this out - http://www.weirdity.com/oneliners/cooper1.shtml jokes by one of Comedy Magic's greats

I'm reminded of a joke a friend of mine told me about David Copperfield and Claudia Schiffer.

It's really rude, though, so I can't post it.

Sorry about that.

No, I am not going to PM it to anyone. Not unless you agree to let me into the restricted areas if I do.

How many magicians does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

Two. One to stir the mixture, the other to squeeze the rabbit.

Did you hear about the magician who walked down the road and turned into a pub?

Did you hear about the Dutchman running down the road in his inflatable footwear when they exploded? He popped his clogs.

I saw my mate at lunchtime and he told me that Marie Osmond had just finished making the most awful picture of all time for one of the big film studios. I said, 'Warner Bothers?' and he said he already had.

(OK, so Tim Vine was on TV at lunchtime!)

I was driving down the dual carriageway in my new car yesterday and noticed eggs falling out the back of my car. Then I realised it was a hatchback.

...I saw Tim Vine too...

I was trying to remember that one! (I had the skipping rope in my pocket though!)

Some of my favourites - hope you like them and let me know if you want more!

Magician goes into a pub with a roll of tarmac under his arm. Asks the barman for a pint, and one for the road!

Two cannibals eating a clown. One turns to the other and asks "does this taste funny to you"

My grandparents were called Pearl and Dean. I used to call them grandma and grandpa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa .

Real Madrid 3, Surreal Madrid fish

I bought some fluorescent condoms, you should have seen my wife’s face light up

My neighbour is in the Territorial Army and he’s in Iraq. He’s a prisoner of war but only at weekends.

Telephone answering machine message “if you want to buy some marijuana then press the hash key

I went to the butchers and bet him £50 that he couldn’t reach the meat on the top shelf. He said that the steaks were too high

I went to a seafood disco the other night and pulled a muscle

Where do the homeless have 90% of their accidents?

If new age travellers love to travel, why do they moan when the police move them on?

I tend to sleep in the nude which isn’t a bad thing, except for those long haul flights

I spilt some stain remover on my suit. How do you get that out?

A miniature village in Bournemouth caught fire and the flames could be seen nearly three feet away

There was a tornado in Slough that did £5 million of improvements

Air hostesses are getting more an more like your mum. One said to me ‘eat all of your dinner – there are people starving in air India’.

The Magician and the Parrot
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again.

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show.

"Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all.

One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side.

They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days.

After a week the parrot finally said, "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat?"