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No this isn't a rant against 'New age' practices. It's a poem by my Dad that I feel you would appreciate more than the scum I live and work with.


Nice place you've got here John.
Full of crystals, pendulums,
and statues of the Buddha carved in plaster.

But what if something happened to,
the content of this shop, or you,
Let this guru offer you the answer.

Invest in our protection plan
it's not a rip off, nor a scam
It's more a psychic hedge against disaster.

Brought to you with courtesy
of Gandalf him, and Merlin me
Known collectively as new age gangsters.

And for a purely token fee,
me and Gandalf guarantee,
that you will find the peace for which you hanker.

But if perhaps you cannot pay
what can we say, you may one day
be made the victim of some playful prankster.

Who might snuff out your inner light

deprive your third eye of its sight

release your inner child... and give it asthma

regress you to a former life

in which you are your own ex wife

Turn your aura black and block your chakras

form Penzance all the way to Clywd
people have been de-feng shuied
do you get our meaning and our mantra?

It's not a promise nor a threat
its more a sort of psychic bet
A life once full of angst could yet turn angster

Check the i ching, throw the tarot
we'll be back again tomorrow
go violently is our desiderata

But visualize in pouring rain
A gravestone, and, beneath your name,

"His dogma was run over by our karma".


John Dowie.

Now, that's good!

Round of applause for Dad!

Very good!

Reminds me of some people who I know. They have a new age shop which is doing badly. Rather than blame their own silliness at opening a new age shop in the middle of nowhere and their own lack of business sense, they have chosen instead to blame the owner of another new age shop 20 miles down the road who they insist has placed a curse on them.

Cheers all, and I would applaud to my dad on your behalf mandrake, but knowing him, he'll try to sue me for copyright infringement.

Was your dad ever a performer? That poem has the same feel to one that stuck in my head from the 1980s. I saw it on TV, and it included the lines

One out, all out,
Sitting in the fallout.
Visions of reality,
Where death is a formality.

Long shot, I know...

A most splendid poem if I do say so myself I thorughally enjoyed reading that and a little applaudathon for your dad.

That is brilliant.

Out of curiosity, I co-host a skeptical radio show on my university campus. Would your Dad be alright if I read the poem on the air?

- Rob

Tomo wrote:Was your dad ever a performer? That poem has the same feel to one that stuck in my head from the 1980s. I saw it on TV, and it included the lines

One out, all out,
Sitting in the fallout.
Visions of reality,
Where death is a formality.

Long shot, I know...

I don't know if he ever wrote anything like that, but yes he was a performer, mainly in the 70's through 80's, he's got his own wiki entry and everything.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Dowie_(humourist)

Oh... My... God...

Not a John Dowie, but THE John Dowie!

The man's a legend. Nice one!

He was involved in Factory Records, that makes him instantly cool

Sweet, I've never had a 'my dads a celebrity' moment.
Maybe I can get a job presenting on M.T.V, or go on big brother.

Jean Eugene Roberts wrote:Sweet, I've never had a 'my dads a celebrity' moment.
Maybe I can get a job presenting on M.T.V, or go on big brother.

Being on Factory is Very Cool Indeed. Enjoy it. Enjoy it, and appreciate your dad just a little bit more. He's immensely cool, believe it or not.

Trading on his coolness would be deeply ugly. You have magic. That's immensely cool in itself.

I remember John Dowie being on TV a lot in the 80s. I liked his work, and the poem of his that stuck in my mind was about visiting some people who have a video recorder and keep showing it off.

RobMagus wrote:That is brilliant.

Out of curiosity, I co-host a skeptical radio show on my university campus. Would your Dad be alright if I read the poem on the air?

- Rob

Sorry Rob, I missed your post before.

I'm seeing him on march 22nd, I'll ask him for you then.