by bmat » Sep 30th, '16, 20:50
Goes on far too long. Presentation wanders around, movements are not fluid, too jerky at some points and smooths out at others. May help if you get up off the floor. When you present, and this is exactly what this is, you think it is only practice but once you put it out there it is a presentation. So maybe think about selling yourself as well and be aware of your surroundings. At the very least get dressed. It all has an affect on the effect.
Your method however is fine. just needs refinement and smoothed out.