Sipping Vodka

A meeting area where members can relax, chill out and talk about anything non magical.


Moderators: nickj, Lady of Mystery, Mandrake, bananafish, support

Sipping Vodka

Postby trickyricky » May 15th, '06, 22:21



Most of you have probably heard this before, but for those who haven't, please enjoy!



A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.


After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.


The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."


So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.


He proceeded to talk up a storm.


Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior
and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the s*** out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't
say he was stoned off his a**.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and
eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for
the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not
a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

I was born with Multiple Personality Disorder. Luckily, they are all me, they just dont always get along...
User avatar
trickyricky
Senior Member
 
Posts: 911
Joined: Aug 10th, '05, 00:21
Location: Cannock! (22:AH)

Postby moonbeam » May 15th, '06, 22:43

I think I've heard it aaages ago as it kinda rings a bell , but yea still funny second time round :lol:

QUESTION:
If we can sue McDonalds for making us fat and cigarette companies for giving us cancer; why can't we sue Smirnoff for all the ugly gits we've sh*gged ??
User avatar
moonbeam
Elite Member
 
Posts: 2472
Joined: Oct 22nd, '05, 10:59
Location: Burnley (56:AH)

Postby mrfye » May 15th, '06, 23:40

hahaha i like it alot never heard it befor

User avatar
mrfye
Preferred Member
 
Posts: 254
Joined: Mar 10th, '06, 15:25
Location: Weymouth (dorset)


Return to The Dove's Head

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 57 guests