Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Mar 19th, '20, 12:43



In view of the current coronavirus situation, I called on my elderly neighbour this morning to see if he was OK. He came to the door wrapped in fibreglass wool and bubble wrap. Silly sod thought he had to self insulate! :D

(Topical if not funny!)

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Mar 19th, '20, 15:16

Hahaha! :D

Weirdly I think self insulating may help, so they say.
I say bathe in whisky every day and you'll be fine. It works for me so far. Antibacterial hand scurb desn't work on a virus but it does contain alcohol which breaks down the menbrane of a virus cell so can't be bad. Stay safe everyone and just drink a f'k load of spirits and nothing can live in your body when you're prematurely pickled and mumified.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Mar 19th, '20, 15:24

Know what goes great with Coronavirus?...

Lyme disease!

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Mar 19th, '20, 22:17

I was told that the alcohol content of a hand sanitizer needs to be 60 degree or, better still, 70 degree proof. On that basis most spirits on sale won't help as they are around 40 or so. However, I find taking the booze internally helps when self isolated, after three or four large ones the time just seems to pass very quickly!!

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Mar 20th, '20, 18:18

There's a new cocktail for the self isolated, it's called a Quarantini. It's the same as an ordinary martini but you just drink it on your own.... :shock:

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Mar 21st, '20, 13:27

Hey Bud, I heard they Brewed up the Coronavirus Tequila bunch of people, which hurts us all at our Coors.
But everyone always Hops to these conclusions. I can Barley stand it.
Word on the street is that China is now free of the Panda-monium so looking good. I'm not Wine-ing, I'm on the bright side.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Mar 21st, '20, 21:23

And the groan of the week award goes to... (see above!) :D

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Mar 22nd, '20, 00:30

Yey! Do I win a prize? Oh...groan.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby Mandrake » Mar 24th, '20, 15:34

I went to one of those 'adult' parties recently, walked in, threw my car keys into the bowl on the table. Completely ruined the trifle....

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Mar 24th, '20, 22:35

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Mar 27th, '20, 01:15

My wife just asked an elderly neighbour if they needed anything from the shop...
They asked for a Daily Mail...
Truly testing times.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Apr 1st, '20, 13:18

Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby moonbeam » Apr 1st, '20, 14:12

MrCat wrote:Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.


Funny and soooo true at the same time.

When we get out of this lock down, there gonna be a mass exodus to the salons etc :P

QUESTION:
If we can sue McDonalds for making us fat and cigarette companies for giving us cancer; why can't we sue Smirnoff for all the ugly gits we've sh*gged ??
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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Apr 1st, '20, 16:06

Moonbeam, I'm gonna milk this for humour like a crazy thing so make sure you have many changes of pants....That is all.

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Re: Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

Postby MrCat » Apr 3rd, '20, 20:44

We're 13 days in to self isolation and it's killing me to see my wife standing at the window gazing aimlessly in to space with tears running down her cheeks...
Don't get me wrong, I totally feel it and empathize and all, I've considered letting her in many times but rules are rules.

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