talkmagic.co.uk

I was looking back to how many new threads have been started which contain jokes. This clutters up the place so i think there should be one thread where everyone posts their jokes in from now on.

If this catches on, any un-abiding posters will be punishable by death

(I know quite a few of these have already been made, but hopefully this one might stick)

Lets get it started.

This is the so-called best joke in the world (i think not), but anyway here it is -

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“

Now for some . . .

*drumroll*

*drumroll*

*drumroll*

JESUS JOKES!

Three Proofs

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN
His first name was Jesus.
He was bilingual.
He was always being harassed by the authorities.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS BLACK
He called everybody "brother."
He liked Gospel.
He couldn't get a fair trial.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS JEWISH
He went into his father's business.
He lived at home until he was 33.
He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure he was God.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS ITALIAN
He talked with his hands.
He had wine with every meal.
He worked in the building trades.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN
He never cut his hair.
He walked around barefoot.
He started a new religion.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS IRISH
He never got married.
He was always telling stories.
He loved green pastures.
THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN
He managed to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food.
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.


Why did women love Jesus?

Because he was hung like this

And there off to a flying start, tighten your seat belt's your in for a crazy ride....

my mum told me this so blame her ok.

three deaf ladies sitting round the table all with there hands under the table, what are they doing....... lip reading.

I don't remember where I got this from (maybe even here so sorry if somebody already said it):

What do you get when you cross a magician and a cow?

A moogician.

What do you get when you cross a magician and a cow?

Me one year ago.

Sorry, I just could not resist those two .

Perhaps this should be stickied once and for all and all other joke threads made in the future sin-binned?

~Magically Dave

magicdiscoman wrote:my mum told me this so blame her ok.

three deaf ladies sitting round the table all with there hands under the table, what are they doing....... lip reading.

That's a brilliant joke

Folks, there have been at least three sets of so-called jokes deleted today which were unacceptable for a public forum. To save the Moderators having to spend their leisure time watching every item posted, this thread is locked.