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Wild Card wrote:Book One
The Whole Lot!

As I woke I saw a new born baby. No matter what, you can’t stop from grabbing her waxwork model of Froddo the Hobbit, purchased in Amsterdam from a blind Umpa Lumpa with a big nose which looked like Sammy Davis Junior. Next to him sat a small pink, fluffy pixie who liked to eat dry cereal especially in the back seat of toilet, next to all the little boys and girls. Two days later he died in a very nasty toilet related explosion boating accident caused by a boat containing expensive petrol based plastics from Amsterdam’s greatest houses. After a long and very hard funeral, the Pixie went insane and publicly exposed himself to the delight of the enormous crowd that usually gathered on a Soho street corner dealing Pixie-dust to innocent TalkMagic members! Along came Mandrake eating a giant and partially inflated bright red, piece of octopus tongue specially prepared by first marinading it and the garnishing it and grabbing the closest object and inserting it sideways up the classic palm position. What a shame the fairies were totally, fully naked and were just having tea outside which made them start projectile vomiting whilst they sang at the Eurovision which was infact a big con despite the absurdly constructed Wogan’s wig, the pubic one, called a mirkin.
Meanwhile, Frodo’s ring was very tight and because his boyfriend forgot to use fresh washing powder on each of his big, fat low hanging, shrivelled ears. Luckily, he smelled of cabbage so when he harassed the locals, little fairies came with their enormous spoons and tried to measure themselves. Unfortunately, it was really a fork and then they died. Their funeral was disturbingly brown coloured and very musical to say the least. Gandalf’s rod withered and died. As a result, the Universe imploded. On reflection of pig in the window.

The End.

Ten minutes of flicking between posts and there it is. TalkMagic's first attempt and literature!