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I received these from a (UBS) investement banker ............


The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion. The rest are all subprime.

How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.

Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money back.

A trader: 'This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.'

If you want to gamble, go to Las Vegas . If you want to trade in derivatives, God bless you.

What's the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

What's the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures.

Forty years ago I sold fifty shares of my company stock and had enough money to purchase a brand-new 1967 Ford pickup. Last week, I checked it out, and if I sold another fifty shares, I'd have enough money to buy a 1967 Ford pickup. So, the market has stablized.