talkmagic.co.uk

Thanks for clearing up that thorny fiddle/violin issue Lady of Mystery.... but while we're on the subject:

How many fiddle players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get up that high!

What's the best thing to play on a fiddle?
A flame-thrower.

Why is a fiddle like a lawsuit?
Everyone's happy when the case is closed....

Definition of a Gentleman? Someone who can play the fiddle - but doesn't .

How do you get two fiddlers to play in unison?

Shoot one...

you lot are so not funny

Right then, next TM meet up, I'll come along with my fiddle and anyone who doesn't sit and listen, I hope for you sake that you've got no feeling in your shins.

As a matter of fact, and now you mention it, I believe I have localised numbness in my shin region. So I shall be there to watch you fiddle away with yourself.



(Bingo not allowed because that was so blatantly deliberate on my part!)

After an hour of fishing I think I've finally got a bite....

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
The more I don't practice my violin, the more it sounds like a fiddle

...and finally...

"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"

Ta da!!

The late great violinist Yehuddi Menuhin once visited Birmingham to play a concert, he stayed at a local Inn which near the city centre which was not looking it's best due to a riotous party there the night before. Rubbish and litter were all over the place, dirty glasses, overflowing ashtrays and so on. Yehuddi took one look and said, 'What a vile Inn.'

Conductor Thomas Beecham to a lady cellist during a rehearsal: "Madam, you have an instrument between your legs capable of giving pleasure to thousands, and all you can do is sit there and scratch it!"

Flashman, you are so going to get a kick in the shins!

(putting on trainers)... 'have to catch me first'...

Anyway, just to prove I'm not a 'fiddleist':

Definition of an oboe?
It's an ill woodwind that nobody blows any good...

Sorry Lady of Mystery, I tried to stop but lack of willpower has always been an issue for me!!

How can you tell if a fiddle is out of tune?

The bow is moving.

oh I'll catch you Mr Flash, don't you worry your head about that

Ho ho, we'll see.... I'm considered rather spritely for my advancing years you know.... hundred yard dash and all that...

ooo now that's sounding like a challenge to me. I've often fancied running the Loch Ness Marathon and as that's up your neck of the woods....

Marathon, shmarathon!! The Loch Ness Monster Challenge is much more fun: 120km of mud and japes!! If anyone's sufficiently out of their mind I'll enter a TM team for next year....

Anyway that's beside the point... I forced myself to listen to the fiddly bit on the Levellers song (although at first I thought a cat was being neutered)... s'okay I s'pose... (grudgingly..). Of course the best bit of fiddly diddlying is on Fishermans Blues by The Waterboys. Although you're dealing with a man who's currently listening to Glen Campbell's new album... his cover of Foo Fighters 'Times Like These' is top trumps!!

Rambling now... need sleep...