talkmagic.co.uk

While I was driving down the M1 the other day, (going a little faster than I should have been) I passed under a bridge only to see a policeman on the other side with a radar gun, laying in wait.
The policeman pulled me over, walked up to the car and with that classic, patronising smirk, asked: "Runway too short"?

To which I replied. "I'm late for work"

To which he asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The policeman was surprised and confused.

"A what"

"A rectum stretcher" - "and just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said "I start by inserting one finger then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four then with my whole hand in, work side to side until I can stretch and stretch and then I slowly but surely stretch the hole until it's about 6 feet"

Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. "And just what do you do with a six-foot @rseh@le?"

To which I politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge..."

Speeding ticket: £105,

Court Costs: £45,

Look on copper's face: Priceless....

ahaha ... brilliant!

ROTFL!!



Brilliant!

You didnt.... lol

Careful! This could offend some people!

Very good though.

That just makes it all the funnier! lol

okey then.

welcome back jason.. where ya been?

on limited access till i rebuild my computer, just got this nice antishake dodad you conect inline with your mouse like a filter, pretty cool.
dosn't help with the spelling though, watever happened to the spell checker for us lasy gits.

Really good to see you back, MagicDiscoMan. We've missed you!

Then the policeman asked questioningly and cautiously. "And just what do you do with a six-foot @rseh@le?"

To which I politely replied, "You give it a radar gun and park it behind a bridge...

HAHAHAHAHA! That’s classic! As someone in the LE biz I have to say that if someone gave me that line I'd be laughing way too hard to give them a ticket, anyone who can pull that off should get a free pass! I do feel the need to counter with an LE joke however:

A man drives toward a four way intersection and proceeds to blow through the stop sign without so much as a tap of the brakes. A cop, sitting just past the intersection observes this and proceeds to pull the man over and walks up to the window, "I'm going to have to cite you for failure to stop at a sign sir" the officer says. "Aw come on" the man replies. "I slowed down, there was nobody coming so I went through! SAME THING!".”No sir, it’s not the same" says the officer. "Is to" says the man. The officer says "Sir, would you like me to show you the difference between stop and slow down?", “Yeah I'd love to see tha..." and before the man can finish the officer grabs him by the hair, pulls him out and starts beating him with his baton, "Now sir" says the officer, "would you like me to stop, or slow down?"

Too bad about your ticket, some folks don't have a sense of humor I'm afraid!

Id just like to point out that i DIDNT say this to a copper... it was posted by a member on another forum i occasionally frequent (nothing magic related) but i thought it was hilarious so i posted it here to share the mirth

the_mog wrote:Id just like to point out that i DIDNT say this to a copper... it was posted by a member on another forum i occasionally frequent (nothing magic related) but i thought it was hilarious so i posted it here to share the mirth

dang... i was hoping it was real. still funny though

I can't actually believe that anyone would think that anyone in their right minds would say that!

I know this an old post, but only just found it.

Brilliant and funny.