LOL -
David Blaine (right) complained of numerous side effects during his recent underwater record attempt.Craig David Blaine aka Git Wizard is a magician infamous for his "Turn The Twenty Dollars Into A Monopoly Game With Missing Pieces" trick. He is seriously a great magician. He has more tricks up his sleeve in one night than a hooker does in her entire career.
Other tricks of his include:
Making a pen look like it's made of rubber
Making it look like he's putting a pencil up his nose
Making clouds move by staring at them
Cutting an assistant in half, then reassembling the pieces
Cutting himself in half, then reassembling the pieces
Standing up for a long time
Sitting in a box
Eating a ham and cheese sandwich
Killing flies using only his infamous "Magnum" pose
Eating his own head
Killing a yak from two hundred yards away with mind bullets
Making a balloon levitate using only a common hair dryer
Performing surgery on himself
Flying into windshields
Making people randomly have sexual intercourse
Being both Black and White at the same time
Balancing a hat on his head
Winning every game of connect four that he enters
making gay people say "WHAT THE F"???
making his penis extend to random lengths
Making women smile
Starving
Jumping off skyscrapers, usually without dying
Visiting London
Molesting something
Being more serious than himself
Telling the difference between butter and I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.
Making a subway train move without touching it
Magically lifting an elevator in a shopping mall (No setup! No wires!)
Creating the "Done, Blaine" shootings!
He's always on fire. And what's even cleverer than that, the fact that he neither looks, smells nor feels on fire is a brilliant illusion
Having hot coals walk over him
Being dead and fooling everyone that he's alive
Being an unemployed bum who wastes our taxes on his very existence
Being the eggman, they are the eggmen
Being the walrus, goo goo g'joob
Making a snake eat a bear
Comparing his three-pronged demon tail to Oprah's
He also has a ventriloquist's dummy named Hugo, that can sit endlessly for hours. Many people have been amazed by this spectacular feat of endurance.
Many of his "magic" tricks are not really magical at all. For example, Blaine has been seen levitating; however, scientists have revealed that widespread dislike of Blaine causes Earth to emit temporary anti-gravitational fields around him, effectively repelling him away from the planet.
David Blaine has announced that when he dies, he plans to do his own autopsy.
[edit] Dunking
Blaine has recently been sentenced to spend 7 days in a 'Human Fishbowl' in New York city. The punishment reflects the state's oldest laws concerning Witches. If Blaine survives the week long dunking then he will be declared a witch and burned at the stake. If his lungs succumb to the ordeal and he drowns then he will be declared innocent and his soul will be allowed to shine on, shiny-white.
He has often been voted "Best Person Since Winston Churchill" by British people.
I would just like to make a point, note David Blaine started by spending 44 days in the air, then tried to hold his breath underwater for a long time... It is my hope that he is working his way through the classical elements and next we will see him spend a prolonged period of time on fire.
[edit] Magic Powers
While Blaine's "magical" abilities have been researched and discussed amongst even the most intelligent scholars, there has been no real evidence to prove whether or not he possesses true other-worldly abilities. In 1999, a young woman came forward and made an official statement that Blaine, while intoxicated with the young lady in a motel room, revealed to her that his "magic" was, well, bunk.
"Bunk as hell," exclaimed Blaine to the drunken woman. When she attempted to ask what "bunk" meant, Blaine threw his arms into the air declaring, "With your question, I shall summon forth the great demon, Bjourllocke, to demonstrate my true power!" Blaine's outburst caused him to squeeze out what the woman referred to as a "lil' toot" at which Blaine giggled at, and then passed out. The woman then escaped Blaine's clutches only to make her official statement the following morning.
To this day, no one knows exactly whom this woman made the official statement to. The mystery of David Blaine lives on.
See also Blaintology
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