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Britain was hit by what can only be described as rain today.

The United Kingdom comprises four countries: England, Wales, Scotland and Beirut. (For US readers, Scotchland is not in England; England is not "near London"; we don't know your mate Chuck, just because he lived in South London for a bit) Each country divides into several counties. The United Kingdom is usually referred to as "Britain", because the full title is too long to put on a stamp, and because it annoys some of the Irish (the ones with the loud voices who dress like Buddhist Homepride flour graders quite like to be called British).

Britain is mostly made up of Scotland. Coming into some money when its auntie died, Scotland had some extra bits attached, including England, which it uses as a decoy so that American tourists will wander around England instead, talking too loudly. It is widely believed that Ireland broke free from Scotland during a particularly windy afternoon. Ireland them became lonely and developed a split personality: the poor dear now believes it is two separate countries, and the rest of the world have chosen to play along in the hope it will wise up by itself. Wales is better than England: it has Doctor Who, they insist on speaking Welsh, because it annoys the English. However, Wales is not as good as Scotland because Wales only has Tom Jones whereas Scotland has the Krankies. Britain is the home of the worst wristwatch in the world, which make the Hells themselves cry out in agony when they are made to look upon it. In 2012, after the Olympics, Britain intends to hand over the country to the highest bidder. Or the lowest, we're not fussy.