Need help with getting respect from peers and others

Struggling with an effect? Any tips (without giving too much away!) you'd like to share?

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Need help with getting respect from peers and others

Postby GooGooDolls » Nov 22nd, '08, 01:40



Hi i haven't posted a while since i have been busy doing other things but i have a question that has been going through my mind recently alot. Well before the question i will introduce myself more. I am person interested in magic and have a very strong passion and love for the band Blink 182 and Tom Delonge and Mark Hoppus all in general because its all about having fun and living life to the fullest and not caring what people think of you. So yeah thats me and yes i have heard they are talking again so i am excited about that. My question is to me a very serious amatuer who wants to go pro by next year. I was wondering how to get by the questions like when people say like what are your interests and when typically they hear you do magic thats all they want to talk about and think that is all you do. But evidently it isn't considering i have alot more interests besides magic and alot of my family friends don't even know about some of my interests. They think magic is one of my number one interest and it isn't it is just a career or something i am serious about doing. Because I don't know if it is like this with you but when you work alot and perform or do other things you want to get away from everything and act normal and at least have some decent conversations away from everything. I was just wondering how people go about answering those questions? Because i hate it when people think i will talk about it not at all in a business form and its kind of hard because you work on stuff and a lot of it is private until you perfect something just my thoughts. Hope any one here can answer my question it would be very much appreciated.

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Postby moodini » Nov 22nd, '08, 04:03

Some of that is being a performer - "in the public eye" if you will...you are going to have to find your own way to deal with it...accept some and learn how to handle the rest. For some big time entertainers, that is something they struggle with forever.

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Postby GooGooDolls » Nov 22nd, '08, 05:11

yeah i know what your saying just learn how to deal with it and cope with the questions. But I was wondering if anyone here has experienced it and how they coped with it? I was just wondering if there was a best way to handle it or a wrong way to handle it because I don't want to offend anyone one bit? But on the other hand I will not perform my service for free unless i support something or if i am doing it for kicks and giggles. Because I know i will be broke doing what I love simple as that. Hope that makes more since.

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Postby Craig Browning » Nov 22nd, '08, 05:23

Entertainers as a whole, tend to be "on stage" most of the time. Especially if we are still in the process of climbing the proverbial ladder and trying to become "known". However, there are ways of juggling life vs. show biz. That starts with NOT showing off for friends & family every time you discover something new or get full of yourself. If you take on the attitude Max Maven used to have of "I don't do a single trick until I get paid", it might turn some people off and they may see you as egotistic, but it quickly sets boundaries and established the fact that you are not a trained puppy that performs on demand.

Rather than bringing up that you "do magic" talk about the other things in your life. Everyone that knows me knows I have a deep background in magic but 90% of my conversations deal with typical daily living and NOTHING to do with magic, mentalism or my work as a Minister/Counselor. For that matter I've curtailed a huge amount of my work in the biz, not just due to health challenges but simply because I NEED to move on... after 40ish years in this industry I'm simply ready to shift gears. This allows me to have intelligent conversations with people on a myriad of other topics... the current topics of choice include the New President, the Horrid Economy, and the fact that it's colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra outside (with snow starting Monday evening and not stopping until sometime Wednesday) :?

YOU are the one that created "the issue" and to circumvent said topic as part of an evening's passing, you simply have to NOT demonstrate your skills or bring it up. When it is brought up by those that know you, just tell them you aren't really up to it... that you didn't bring anything, etc.

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Postby GooGooDolls » Nov 22nd, '08, 05:32

Thanks Craig that means alot I will look into doing that. I just realized all that is going to be coming up and the economy is bad as heck. But yeah thanks for the advice much appreciated Craig. I love your posts.

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Postby IAIN » Nov 22nd, '08, 10:38

maybe its just a case of accepting that people are only interested in your magic for now - you want to turn pro next year, use that interest to your advantage for now...

plus, there's nothing wrong in asking people to stop asking you about magic - in a nice way, "hey, let's not talk about magic right now - did you see x,y,z the other day?" you can end any conversation with friends and family like that I'm sure...

maybe they always ask you about magic cos they feel that by doing so, they are supporting you? or at least, showing encouragement...

it sounds like you feel a tiny bit isolated to me - like you feel youre stranded on some tiny island that is only built on magic (i dont mean you imagine yourself floating around on a tiny magic island!)..maybe there is a way, ironically - through magic to change that?

You like your music, create an effect based around that love of music - get people to talk about their favourite band during the effect...engage with them about it AFTER the effect is finished...

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Postby Robbie » Nov 22nd, '08, 15:43

If somebody asks you "What are your interests?" then you're free to name whatever you want them to know about. Pick and choose. If you don't want to talk about magic that day, then tell them about your music interests. Or what you're reading or building or whatever.

One of the major strands in my life is occult philosophy, but you can bet I don't go blurting that out to all and sundry! It's not a secret, but it's generally not anybody's business. If asked about interests, I stick to broad safe topics (reading, crafts, computer games, science, etc.). The other person can then choose to follow up any of these in more detail, if they care (What do you read? What sort of games?). Or not, if they don't care.

I know that you live in the USA, and over there asking somebody about their hobbies isn't as personal a question as it would be in the UK. It's often just a way to break the ice, and the other person isn't necessarily really interested in what you do. In that case all you need to reply is something bland, to indicate that you accept and reciprocate their friendly intentions.

In case you're not sure about what I just said, here's a linguistic and cultural examination of American and British attitudes toward finding common ground in conversation.

"Magic teaches us how to lie without guilt." --Eugene Burger
"Hi, Robbie!" "May your mischief be spread." --Derren Brown
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Postby GooGooDolls » Nov 23rd, '08, 02:36

You rock robbie. Thanks for the information i will look into that and if you have facebook or myspace let me know you would be on my top friends lists because of the stuff you have done for me thank you very much. Truly it does feel like I am isolated sometimes because i was in a group setting and was told to think of something know one knew about me and i said i love music far to much. After that someone who knew i was strong in magic commented that i should of said magic like its a business i don't follow it at all. So yeah it does bother me but i just let it go its like what can you do. plus I am a big fan of comedy so i have more interests than just magic. The people that talk to me are nice and supportive but i guess when people be to nice or too interested in me non business wise it kind of scares me. Because i honestly know be nice to everyone that comes in your life but you don't have to over due it like sucking up and being snoopy thats one thing i have learned about myself that i hate snoopy people and would easly be a politician considering all the questions i can blow off. But yeah i will take everyones advice with a grain of salt and see where it lands me. Hopefully somewhere nice.

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Postby Peter Marucci » Nov 24th, '08, 05:01

GoogooDolls,

You want to know what to say about other things, since all lay people want to hear about is magic. You point out that magic is "just a career."

I'm going to assume that I misread that because, otherwise, I would have to assume that you are totally unfit to do magic, as a hobby OR "just as a career."

cheers,
Peter Marucci
pmarucci@cogeco.ca

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Postby Robbie » Nov 24th, '08, 10:43

It didn't feel like I was saying much that was very helpful! Gratified if it was.

No, I'm not on Facespace or Mybook or any of those. It's as much as I can do keeping up with this lot, Disturbing Auctions, QI, and Adland. And I've been neglecting Adland...

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Postby GooGooDolls » Nov 27th, '08, 20:48

Peter Marucci wrote:GoogooDolls,

You want to know what to say about other things, since all lay people want to hear about is magic. You point out that magic is "just a career."

I'm going to assume that I misread that because, otherwise, I would have to assume that you are totally unfit to do magic, as a hobby OR "just as a career."
I think you miss read what i was saying. First off it is going to be a career and i am planning on it. The reason i asked this question is because first and foremost i am semi amateur magician who is very serious and as i have told one my best friends it is gotten to the point if i can't do this there is no point in living so i do practice alot but in my job in the past i could never perform alot. I have practiced alot and can read anything basicly and practice alot. But i know as a performer you work on stuff that interests you. Thats what i have done but if you can't perform that much cause of your job. Then its kind of pointless to practice non stop because that was the old me. However when you get in relationships girls wise and so forth and have friends. You have to figure out better ways to practice and use your time wisely. So yeah i still do practice but not as much because i know a couple months pass by and my interests could kind of change because i can't perform considering i have made some job changes but yeah this is going to be a business. I totally plan on it. since i was 18 and had a very strong interest in magic i have been known to be kind of a work acoholic. Thats why this question came to my attention on letting people know you have other interests in magic. Thanks Robbie also for the kind words. You have also sent me stuff for free so thats why i say you would be one of my myspace friend or facebook friend. well any way hope that makes better sense.

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