talkmagic.co.uk

sometimes, i hate being a bloke.

"Sitting down on yourself" if you get my drift, hurts like hell, and no woman will ever understand.

Yup. It's why no sensible chap ever wears the silk boxer shorts women buy for him.

Tomo wrote:Yup. It's why no sensible chap ever wears the silk boxer shorts women buy for him.

Thank the Gods It's not women buying them for me (I love the feel of silk)

come to think of it, other than my mother and maybe my ex, I've not had anyone buy me a pair of undies...


But yest Dale, I can more than relate to what you're saying. I chose to be celibate throughout my thirties but the past decade was all god's doing... damn him! Middle age crept in along with the falling of my chest down to my waist and the grey hair... it's enough to make a Saint swear.

Middle age - that time of life when hair stops growing on your head but grows out of your ears and nose instead...yuck!

This says it all for me.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOqtmmwa0d0

We should be glad we're blokes because:


Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £5000. Tux rental-£100.
People never star e at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time..
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about cars.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase...
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act20of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £2.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

daleshrimpton wrote:"Sitting down on yourself" if you get my drift, hurts like hell, and no woman will ever understand.

On the other hand, you'll never turn over in bed and wrench a boobie.

The Man Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "!
From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.


These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE! !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever yo u have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Robbie wrote:

daleshrimpton wrote:"Sitting down on yourself" if you get my drift, hurts like hell, and no woman will ever understand.

On the other hand, you'll never turn over in bed and wrench a boobie.

Chance would be a fine thing

Robbie wrote:On the other hand, you'll never turn over in bed and wrench a boobie.

I did that once, but the wife didn't like it...

I knew that there must be a plus side to having small boobs, I'll have to remember that one.

knew that there must be a plus side to having small boobs, I'll have to remember that one

brilliant

Colin just reminded me last night that, while it's painful to "sit down on yourself", it's far worse to "zip up on yourself".

His little zipper accident landed him in hospital. One of the few people in history, I should think, to be re-circumcised.