talkmagic.co.uk

Well, after the last site was deemed, well.... awful. I took the hints and tips that you guys gave me and started work on a new improved version. I am basically looking for extra ideas and checking for blatant spelling errors or faux pas that I have missed. It's not entirely finished yet, it still needs some photos and a showreel, but the main design is complete.

Heres a link:

http://interflash-hosting.110mb.com/Phillip%20Northfield%20-%20Website/index.html

Oh and P.S Ignore the Steven Seagal thing, just a temp video to show what it would look like....*


* A joke which got waaay out of hand, and now I have to actually do.

The design itself looks pretty nice, but there's a few things which stick out:

The front page has far too much on it - it has to contain the stuff to grab the visitor's attention and make them read on. It's a bit text heavy at the moment, it's probably best to move most of it onto other pages

There's a header at the top of the page, a large gap, a navigation and then another header. Looks very odd and wastes a lot of space

There's no link back to the homepage

The typography is a bit boring - Verdana is just dull

But yes, it looks really good

I observe you use the popular conservative explanations- nothing wrong with that. My issue with conformity is why it is the norm with these websites for there to be this eleborate pretense that it is being written by someone else? The reader knows that you are writing about yourself, that you made the website, you know that they know this, they know that you know that they know this but everyone plays along because they are too polite to stop the pretense. This issue of politness is very damaging to Magic.

Next, I know next to nothing about ICT (As I never did any work in the lessons) but I can use a computer. As someone who quite honestly doesn't care about website design, I can still spot similarities between this and some kind of blog-hosting website. I take it from having visited the site that you want it to be proffessional and think this seems slightly incongruent. It might be worth getting a friend who is into computer design to design one for you (for a small favour or sum of course)... of course I never did this in ICT lessons... Alternativley- as I said I know nothing about these things- I don't know what domain provider you are using, but I am sure there are ones which offer more creative opportunity and less pre-made formats which are still quite cheap. As I said, I know nothing about these things though.. However, talking more about things I do know about, please change the fonts of the titles and the text and... all the font as a matter of fact. It is too 'bloggy'.

Finally, whilst it is commendable trying to have a larger 'audience' as my ICT teacher would have said- if you are charging transport costs then it makes sense that you're audience would be largley local. For this reason you might want to emphasise your location, because I am sure the most likley thing to be googled would be 'magicians in region x'. Which brings me to my next point- If you are offering a service of 'mentalism' and you then have to explain what it is, then the assumption is that the people reading don't already know. If this is so, why would they google 'mentalist in area x'? I think you might want to 'market' (*shudder*) yourself as something more general 'Entertainer, Psychic Entertainer, Mind Reader, Magician...' and then direct it more so that it comes across as 'Looking for a magician? (for example) well, I am sort of a magician but I'm better than a normal one because I do mind magic, so hire me because I am offering a unique service...'

Anyway. I hate marketing. I hate 'target audiences' and 'markets'. See Bill Hicks for details. So please just be honest and origional.

I hope I have been of some help... Hopefully too, all constructive criticisms.

Without a doubt an improvement from the last incarnation, well done.

I'm glad to see the content is more relevant, though the spelling and grammar needs work - if that's not your strong point then ask someone to copy edit it for you - and yes, that's an offer! I'm a self confessed grammar Nazi and if I'm looking at a site/publication badly composed then in my mind it reflects on the professionalism of its creator, many people thinking of booking you will think the same too.

Layout isn't too bad, though as Sam said it does look a little 'templatey' - a good photo in that header will remedy a great deal of that however.

All in all though: Good skills!

You need an editor.

I'm not going to get into the design and all the rest. It was gramatically incorrect from the get-go. Granted you don't have this up and running yet, but if you did and had the wording as it is now. It speaks volumes towards the negative.

That being said. It is much better than your last attempt. And good for you for plugging away. I am sure with just a little tweaking it would be really good. Are you still in school? If so ask an English teacher, or creative writing teacher for help or advice. It will go a very long way.

I wish I had more writing skills so that I could help you out. Unfortunatly I just have reading skills.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with using a template. Not everybody is a web designer and I'd much rather see a good template than a poor creation

SamGurney wrote:My issue with conformity is why it is the norm with these websites for there to be this eleborate pretense that it is being written by someone else?

If it's the norm that would be because it works. There's absolutely nothing wrong with writing in the third person as long as it makes sense and it isn't corporate twaddle

Thanks for the extra tips, I have just shifted things around for a bit. Same link though. I've had a quick look for any major mistakes, and am working on a showreel sometime soon. If theres any other ways for improvement please let me know.

These are the questions that really helped when designing our website...



Why would I hire you over any of the other magicians/mind reader I can find on the internet? What is unique/different about you as a performer? What makes me specifically want to hire YOU?

kolm wrote:There is absolutely nothing wrong with using a template. Not everybody is a web designer and I'd much rather see a good template than a poor creation

SamGurney wrote:My issue with conformity is why it is the norm with these websites for there to be this eleborate pretense that it is being written by someone else?

If it's the norm that would be because it works. There's absolutely nothing wrong with writing in the third person as long as it makes sense and it isn't corporate twaddle

I despise Grammar nazis (No offense)... but I appreciate the importance of spell checks and grammar checks in keeping 'proffesional'. Maybe you could type up, or copy and paste your text onto word and let it point most of the mistakes out. However, whilst despising Grandma Nazis, I have to say I agree with George Orwell when he says 'Never use the passive when you can use the active'. It makes it more personal and regardless of what I may know about mentalism or magic, I still find it slightly patronising to be spoken to in the third person when it is obvious that the website has been designed and made by the individual themselves. Use quotes, references e.t.c. for a less bias and possibly less egocentric depiction of you.
I think it comes across as less pretentious. Most mentalists would argue the point is to be as legitimate seeming as possible- whether you're psychic or psychological or a combination of the two. But as I said, people are too Polite and never say 'Please stop being condescending. I know you are writing this yourself.' It does beg the question- what would you do if you were real? Maybe we need to think more along the lines of Sherlock Holmes when he wrote an article in a newspaper called 'the science of deduction' in his own voice or maybe even having ourselves written about by our imaginary 'Watson' a la 'the adventures of Sherlock Holmes'... just a thought

EDIT: I might want to add that I completley disagree. Convention is not always so because it is best. Etionian boys conventionally smoked and were beaten if they did not. Conventionally, If I was born in Athens round about the pelloponesian war, I would have believed in Apollo, Zeus e.t.c. Often something is 'the norm' because it is unchallenged, and humans are very used to conforming and imitating.

magician AND mind-reader?

i agree with Kolm, the card suits area is just dead space...

and you could be well served placing a quote on the homepage too from a client...you can talk about yourself all day long, but you'll need someone else to say "yeah, i'd hire him again..."

and usually, its testimonies rather than quotes...

and, visually - why not steer clear of the usual/cliche thing or the card suits? or at least represent them in an abstract way...the whole site is a little too dark personally speaking...but that may well lift once you have some images up...

SamGurney wrote:

kolm wrote:There is absolutely nothing wrong with using a template. Not everybody is a web designer and I'd much rather see a good template than a poor creation

SamGurney wrote:My issue with conformity is why it is the norm with these websites for there to be this eleborate pretense that it is being written by someone else?

If it's the norm that would be because it works. There's absolutely nothing wrong with writing in the third person as long as it makes sense and it isn't corporate twaddle

I despise Grammar nazis (No offense)... but I appreciate the importance of spell checks and grammar checks in keeping 'proffesional'. Maybe you could type up, or copy and paste your text onto word and let it point most of the mistakes out. However, whilst despising Grandma Nazis, I have to say I agree with George Orwell when he says 'Never use the passive when you can use the active'. It makes it more personal and regardless of what I may know about mentalism or magic, I still find it slightly patronising to be spoken to in the third person when it is obvious that the website has been designed and made by the individual themselves. Use quotes, references e.t.c. for a less bias and possibly less egocentric depiction of you.
I think it comes across as less pretentious. Most mentalists would argue the point is to be as legitimate seeming as possible- whether you're psychic or psychological or a combination of the two. But as I said, people are too Polite and never say 'Please stop being condescending. I know you are writing this yourself.' It does beg the question- what would you do if you were real? Maybe we need to think more along the lines of Sherlock Holmes when he wrote an article in a newspaper called 'the science of deduction' in his own voice or maybe even having ourselves written about by our imaginary 'Watson' a la 'the adventures of Sherlock Holmes'... just a thought

EDIT: I might want to add that I completley disagree. Convention is not always so because it is best. Etionian boys conventionally smoked and were beaten if they did not. Conventionally, If I was born in Athens round about the pelloponesian war, I would have believed in Apollo, Zeus e.t.c. Often something is 'the norm' because it is unchallenged, and humans are very used to conforming and imitating.

I understand what you are saying, but a little bit of convention, particularly in my case would probably be a good thing, I am far from normal . I fully get what you are saying, I just thought that it would be better to go down the route chosen by everyone else, rather than

'My name is X, welcome to my website...'

Which seemed a little amatuerish in my opinion.

I'm still looking at re-writing most of it anyway, so I will take it on board.

IAIN wrote:magician AND mind-reader?

i agree with Kolm, the card suits area is just dead space...

and you could be well served placing a quote on the homepage too from a client...you can talk about yourself all day long, but you'll need someone else to say "yeah, i'd hire him again..."

and usually, its testimonies rather than quotes...

and, visually - why not steer clear of the usual/cliche thing or the card suits? or at least represent them in an abstract way...the whole site is a little too dark personally speaking...but that may well lift once you have some images up...

Yeah, I'm going to get some decent photo's up as soon as I can. The top bar will definitely not have those card suits, the resolution is far to blurry anyway.

As for the whole Magician AND Mind Reader thing, to be honest with you, I'm really trying to push just the Mind Reader part, but heard from people that 'Magician' would get more work. I'm still toying with the idea of 'Mind-Magician', but I personally think it's a little tacky.

I'm still looking for quotes, but am planning a few 'publicity stunts' for want of a better word to hopefully get some attention and get things started.

I'm sure it's early days for you and there has been some good points made. I would agree that you need either a striking image and/or professionally designed logo at the top to grab some attention.

Personally I like a wider site - it can support bigger images obviously which have more impact. The argument for smaller 700 px sites is largely disappearing these days with wider monitors being a lot more prevalent than a year or two ago, Just my 2c worth but you might look at a wider template or adapting your current one.

The dark grungy look? It's a personal preference but I would rather see something totally different than what a lot of magicians are using. Perhaps that's a bit of a sweeping statement but it's a good principle to swim against the tide I think.

A good start though, at least you have a site up and can massage it over the next few weeks, I am sure it will be great.

Yeah, I have made it wider, and removed the top banner, I think it looks a little cleaner now. Should hopefully get photos up soon as well as a demo reel. Any thoughts on colour photos, or black and white?

Yep, it's gone up a notch, the wider site looks better

Indeed, much nicer