talkmagic.co.uk

Morning everyone.. I'm sure from time to time we all have performed at a gig/function, when things sadly go a bit wrong. Well in my case things went ok on the night performance wise, it was just the one complete utter t*** that wants to get more attention that the actual person performing... Things were going all nice and smooth until i performed a ring vanish via ring flight, when suddenly the boyfriend of the lady i managed to vanish the ring from never saw the funny side If the plonker was not soooo drunk at the time, he would have realized that i gave her the ring back a minute afterwards instead of panicking that i actually stole the thing ... Sadly he was very drunk to realize in was in fact a trick.. Anyway about 5 minute after, i went to spend a penny, and while i was in the toilet, Mr wobbly drunk man entered and started to accuse me of still stealing the ring. Sadly he was way too drunk to realize.. Such a stupid man!!! And to add insult to injury he was boasting he was going to beat me up.. To basically sum this guy up, he was about 5'2 tall, and weighted about 7st.. I am 5'11 17st.. So was not really worried... So then has anybody had such a eventful night than this one ? Just curious..
Regards Garry.

I haven't had anything as bad as this but I did once have the children's party gig from hell. I did the job for a colleague at work. She asked me to do a joint birthday party for her two children (7 and 9) and cadged a discount. The job was in Aylesbury, not somewhere I knew very well. I followed the instructions to the hall where the party was and it was on the way in that I had my first indication that things could go wrong. The estate I was going to was rough. Adults with skinhead haircuts and mass tattoos and piercings on every corner, and the men were just as bad!! On arrival at the hall I parked my car (then a company Jaguar!!) as close to the door as possible and carted my gear inside. I was instantly mobbed by about twenty kids who were trying to grab things from me. The mum came across and greeted me, then before I was even set up properly walked out of the hall with all of the other adults!! I managed to set up and start my piece but interference from the kids started and gradually increased. I was having to grab all props back off the table before some child ran up and took it. The final straw was when I got my vent puppet out and the whole crowd gathered round and stated to grab at it. Short of dealing out a few good slaps there was nothing I could do, so I took out the bag of sweets I had intended to produce from my dove pan and scattered them all over the floor. The kids all dived for the sweets and I made my getaway passing the group of parents smoking outside. It then took me three weeks to get my vastly reduced fee from the mum. The final insult was a year later when I was invited to do the next birthday party. I made my excuses!

Oh dear, what a night mare.. You was wise not to return the year after. I have done a few gigs for the youngsters before, but do find them very challenging, especially as most of them normally mention the fact that they have seen that on youtube Kids hey!??

with kids its always important to make Shure you have a local parentis highlighted in your contract and have an exclusion zone, basically you say that one person must be present at all times to sort out any problems and maintain order before I unpack.
I usually point out that if they want to higher a security guard its £150 / hour additional to my fee that usually sorts people out, even if I'm not bringing a full disco I always bring in a potable player and a radio mike setup first, plug it in and organise the kids mainly because I'm louder than them.

I had a tough day Saturday. I was in a heritage park for eight hours, doing two fifteen minute shows an hour. Then I did a two hour hypnosis show in a very rough pub in a very rough part of town. By that stage I was too tired for nonsense!

As I was hypnotising the volunteers a guy passed by on the way to the toilet and pinched one of my volunteers, waking him up. I gave a severe warning not to do that again. As he came back from the toilet he went to do it again (as I knew he would). I was in position and hit him a dig in the ribs, and he changed his mind. Another drunk that was also beginning to cause problems decided then that he would sit down too. Problem solved. But I hate to have to deal with rough crowds.

Only once have I had kids swarm the performing area to such an extent that I could not continue. It was in a very rough estate, and the entire gig was a nightmare. Throughout the (shortened) performance one obnoxious woman kept screaming at me to make her child a balloon, despite the fact that I was in the middle of a magic show. They were the worst crowd, parents and kids, that I have ever encountered. I drew the show to a close and demanded my full fee. When the booker rang me back the following year I just laughed at her. Once bitten, twice shy.

Wow!! Glad it wasn't just me then.. Oh well.

How about being accused of stealing a guys wallet, when in fact he had left it at home.

I was performing at a friend's wedding when dinner was called and I announced my departure. This idiot then stands up states that he expects me to return his wallet before I before I leave. naturally I though he was joking and went to walk away. Once I realised he was serious, I was livid. Not only was he accusing me of theft he was making a scene at my friends wedding.

I hauled him and his wife into the room I was changing in and demanded they both stay there whilst I change so they can go through my bag and pockets to be sure I did not have his F%^&ing wallet. He tried to make some excuse but I was determined not to let him off the hook till I was finished....

The upshot was I got a call from the brides father thanking me profusely for not making a scene and for not thumping his guest ! Turns out he had received a call from this tosser to say that his wallet was on the dresser at home so not to bother calling the police WTF!!!!

Best of all to round it off the guy called me and accused my of slandering HIM by saying he had accused me of theft. I just laughed and hung up on him. I found out later he was a retired (or should that be retarded) lawyer. Go figure.

That guy's attitude was disgraceful in the extreme but well done for dealing it with it privately but firmly.

Were you doing a pickpocket act? What made him think you were stealing his wallet? Or was it simply a matter of him having too much to drink?

Neither.

Typical "guilty by association" He assumed he had his wallet with him, I was the only stranger, if it was missing now, "obviously" it must have been me.

What I left out of the original post was my parting comment which was: "If you thought I was clever enough to steal it, do you really think you are clever enough to catch me!" Believe me I was straining not to thump this over bearing pompous clown. But as I not stolen the wallet I was not at all bothered about giving him a hard time back.

Had I been stealing watches as I do on occasion (NOT THIS TIME) or had he been drunk I would have been less angry. As it was, no one at the wedding knew my reputation and the happy couple did not tip anyone off I was coming. There was no link with me, or pickpocketing to this accusation. Trust me I went through all of these scenarios in my head as I tried to look at the incident objectively. Old Jewish proverb "No matter how this you slice something.....It always has two sides".

And Mark you should have known that, for as you say; you are psychic.

The bottom line is not always a rational reason for people doing irrational things. WE as performers put ourselves in unpredictable situations and as such will some times have to be as reactive as possible to make the best out of what occurs

Reading the posts above, now makes my gig from a hell a little smoother.

mr invisible wrote:Reading the posts above, now makes my gig from a hell a little smoother.

It's all relative isn't it.

I was a kids performer for 25 years and latterly decided that I had had enough of being considered as nothing more than a highly paid baby-sitter. No not all gigs were like that, and I still have fond memories of many great parties and gigs, however it was the occasional nightmare party with no organisation, no parental control, noisy adult interruptions etc. etc. that spoil the job.

The problem is we cannot control the conditions, or can we? I wrote a thesis called "close-up to Cabaret" to highlight the differences between the two environments. The main difference being. Table magic conditions are, for the most part pretty standard. Yes you might have to deal with large table decorations blocking your view, little table space left to work on, etc. etc. But nothing usually two extreme.

It's the cabaret/parlour magic environment that poses the most challenges.

With magic we need to consider: Sight lines, audibility, lighting, space, maybe height clearance and stage width are essential, access to the stage for props and audience participants etc. etc. To cut the sales pitch short. If the conditions are not right..Walk away did I hear you right you ask??? Yes I am suggesting that if you have given the booker, agent, client a contract stating the conditions you require to perform and they do not provide them. DO NOT PERFORM. If you do and you flop the audience will never know why. They will only remember "The Great ***dini" was duff. His act sucked. You may not even get paid, without a fight, but this will cost less than losing your reputation will.

Now kids party performers can't really expect party bookers to give you them all sorts of technical support but certain things can be controlled. Sufficient space, a responsible adult to be in the room at all times etc. Make it VERY clear that without these conditions you will not be able to perform. Respectable clients will respect your requests as they will understand it will help make their party go well. Those bookers who complain about your conditions should make the performer reconsider taking the gig. This for me is a red flag and from experience, proved correct more than once.

I was fortunate to be in a better placed financially in that turning down a gig would not result in no food on the table as I as I also had a full time job and I appreciate this may not be the case for all, but sometimes our sanity is more important the than the cash.

The best you can do its put this gig behind you, learn from the experience and be prepared to say "sorry I can't perform here" and leave with your dignity intact.

Nice post Max..

Max, you beat us all hands down. Great story. Well handled.