I got these in an email of my missus the other day - just thought I'd share them with you - some of 'em are quite funny
THE 6 BEST SMART ARSED ANSWERS OF 2006
SMART ARSED ANSWER 6
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like
dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.
"What are my choices?" the man asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ARSED ANSWER 5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without blinking an eyelid she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."
SMART ARSED ANSWER 3
The policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for
speeding, rolled down his window.
"I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said.
The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
SMART ARSED ANSWER 2
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that
read " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly
ahead and he got stuck under it.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The policeman got out of his car and walked to the lorry’s cab and said to
the driver,
"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
petrol!"
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow’s final
exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or
a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering. When silence was
restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and
sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand."
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