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These made me laugh so much that I wanted to share them with you all

Enjoy!

1. Save The Whales. Collect The Whole Set.
2. A Day Without Sunshine is Like, Night.
3. On The Other Hand, You Have Different Fingers..
4. I Just Got Lost In Thought. It Wasn't Familiar Territory .
5 . 42.7% Of All Statistics Are Made Up On The Spot.
6. Light Travels Faster Than Sound, Which Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak.
7. I Feel Like I'm Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe.
8 . Honk If You Love Peace And Quiet.
9. Remember, Half The People You Know Are Below Average.
10. He Who Laughs Last, Thinks Slowest.
11. Depression Is Merely Anger Without Enthusiasm.
12. The Early Bird May Get The Worm, But The Second Mouse Gets The Cheese.
13. I Drive Way Too Fast To Worry About Cholesterol.
14. Support Bacteria. They're The Only Culture Some People Have.
15. Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7 Of Your Week.
16. A Clear Conscience Is Usually The Sign Of A Bad Memory.
17. Change Is Inevitable, Except From Vending Machines.
18. Get A New Car For Your Spouse. It'll Be A Great Trade!
19. Plan To Be Spontaneous Tomorrow.
20. Always Try To Be Modest, And Be Proud Of It!
21. If You Think Nobody Cares, Try Missing A Couple Of Payments.
22. How Many Of You Believe In Psycho-Kinesis? Raise My Hand.
23 . Ok,.... So What's The Speed Of Dark?
24. How Do You Tell When You're Out Of Invisible Ink?
25. If Everything Seems To Be Going Well, You Have Obviously Overlooked Something.
26. When Everything Is Coming Your Way, You're In The Wrong Lane.
27. Hard Work May Pay Off In The Future. Laziness Pays Off Now.
28. Everyone Has A Photographic Memory. Some Just Do Not Have Film.
29. If Barbie Is So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends?
30. How Much Deeper Would The Ocean Be Without Sponges?
31. Eagles May Soar, But Weasels Do Not Get Sucked Into Jet Engines.
32. What Happens If You Get Scared Half To Death Twice?
33. I Used To Have An Open Mind But My Brains Kept Falling Out.
34. I Couldn't Repair Your Brakes, So I Made Your Horn Louder.
35. Why Do Psychics Have To Ask You For Your Name?
36. Inside Every Older Person Is A Younger Person Wondering What Happened?

nice i like the below average one. i was talking with my dad (who's a teacher) a while back about how his head (teacher) was complaining because half of their students were performing below average and i just thought "......er.....yeeeeees" (it's pretty much a standard thing that (although i could start another maths arguement about how that's wrong too))

My personal favorite is 22. I can see everyone on TM trying to work that one into their routine

perhaps the speed of dark is the negative of the speed of light. or maybe it's inverse!

Lawrence wrote:nice i like the below average one. i was talking with my dad (who's a teacher) a while back about how his head (teacher) was complaining because half of their students were performing below average and i just thought "......er.....yeeeeees" (it's pretty much a standard thing that (although i could start another maths arguement about how that's wrong too))

Is that a bit like the one where most people have more than the average (mean or median) number of limbs?

dat, thanks for that! A bit dissapointed when I got to the end of the list, so funny
especially the depression being anger without enthusiasm.
And as for the early bird and mouse, that's in the back of my mind for next time I'm late for work!

37. Why does the sun come out in the daytime when it would be much more useful at night?

Excelent 32 is my best one. Thinking of 35 I remember once when my girlfriend booked a psychic for herself and she asked me if I wanted a go after her. So I said yeah why not. When I went into the room and he asked my name I gave him a false one to see if he really was psychic. He kept calling me the false name through out I thought it was quite funny but the missuss didn't think it was when I come out and told her.

lindz wrote:Excelent 32 is my best one. Thinking of 35 I remember once when my girlfriend booked a psychic for herself and she asked me if I wanted a go after her. So I said yeah why not. When I went into the room and he asked my name I gave him a false one to see if he really was psychic. He kept calling me the false name through out I thought it was quite funny but the missuss didn't think it was when I come out and told her.

You naughty thing, you!

when I do readings for strangers and I ask for their first name, I tend pause for a beat and ask if it's their real name. You can tell a lot from their reaction to both being asked for as name and if it's their real name

I don't care if people give me their real name or not. It is far more important that they give me their money!

Of course Tomo gives readings for free so this is of little concern for him.

mark lewis wrote:I don't care if people give me their real name or not. It is far more important that they give me their money!

Of course Tomo gives readings for free so this is of little concern for him.

As part of an overall package

Tomo wrote:

lindz wrote:Excelent 32 is my best one. Thinking of 35 I remember once when my girlfriend booked a psychic for herself and she asked me if I wanted a go after her. So I said yeah why not. When I went into the room and he asked my name I gave him a false one to see if he really was psychic. He kept calling me the false name through out I thought it was quite funny but the missuss didn't think it was when I come out and told her.

You naughty thing, you!

when I do readings for strangers and I ask for their first name, I tend pause for a beat and ask if it's their real name. You can tell a lot from their reaction to both being asked for as name and if it's their real name

Well I wasn't going to do it but when my girlfriend came out she said he wasn't very good, he didn't give her any names and everytime he kept missing on something she said he twisted it to make it sound like he was right so it all sounded a bit suspect to me. Plus we had already payed £50 for it so I thought i'd have a few games with him to get my moneys worth. When he was doing me aswell again no names and he could only get my great nan through which has a 99% chance she is not alive and he started on at me about ive got to stop drinking because I drink to much, I only drink about 3 pints every two weeks these days with kids and everything. Overall I do believe there are some genuine psychics out there but if i feel there just trying to rip me off which I felt he was IM entitled to a few games.

lindz wrote:Plus we had already payed £50 for it

You were definitely overcharged!

That's what I thought but what the missuss want's the missuss get's. Plus she paid for it so I didn't mind.

Lawrence wrote:perhaps the speed of dark is the negative of the speed of light. or maybe it's inverse!

Does sound travel further at night because it's cheaper after 6pm?

It is not the job of a psychic to give "names". If we could do that then we could win the Lotto. It is true that mediums give names but a medium and a psychic are two different things. And quite frankly there is a lot of fraudulent behaviour among mediums and when they give names it is more of a guessing game than anything else.

So it is not the function of a regular psychic to give names or specific details to order although they will often come out in a reading PROVIDING THEY ARE NOT EXPECTED OF THE PSYCHIC. If you come to a reading with expectation of specifics you aren't going to get them.

In other words if you "test" a psychic you are going to get a bad reading and your money will be wasted. It is not the fault of the psychic-it is the fault of the client. If you "play games" then don't be surprised if you get negative results.

Personally I think your psychic should put his prices up to deter time wasters. At least he got one thing right. He takes the money in advance. Very wise.

Lucky you didn't get the renowned Madam Grey in Dublin. She was a fearsome old crone who would send you off with a flea in your ear if you tried to "test" her.