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I said to a woman the other day, 'You're the person who invented Tipp-Ex - correct me if I'm wrong'.

(and for those who like historical accuracy mixed with trivia, the woman referred to above was the mother of Mickey Dolenz - one time drummer with The Monkees and creator of Metal Mickey. His mum really did invent 'White Out' in the US which became Tipp-Ex over here.)

(Additional information @ 1/12/04 - the above is totally wrong and is therefore NOT historically accurate but at least it gave me an opportunity to sneak in an awful joke later on )

Mandrake wrote:(and for those who like historical accuracy mixed with trivia, the woman referred to above was the mother of Mickey Dolenz - one time drummer with The Monkees and creator of Metal Mickey. His mum really did invent 'White Out' in the US which became Tipp-Ex over here.)

Wasn't it Mike Nesmith's mother?[/smartar$e]

Wasn't it Mike Nesmith's mother?[/smartar$e]

I heard it was Mickey Dolenz but will happily bow to anyone who knows otherwise! (At least I'm reasonably sure it wasn't Davy Jones!)

You're right! According to http://www.monkees.net/book/ Mike Nesmith's 'mother Bette invented Liquid Paper'. I therefore stand corrected (Sorry but I had to say that!)

now that weve cleared that out, we can start that bit all over again!

My dad was a great magician. He was walking down the street the other day and turned into a bar...

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the teacher on the first day of the new academic year.

"He's a magician, Ma'am," said the new boy.

"How interesting. What's his favorite trick?"

"He saws people in half."

"Gosh! Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"

"One half brother and two half sisters."

ok.......

A magician went to a newly opened magic shop searching for some-
thing new and different. The shop magician showed him a pair of
glasses and quoted a price of £1,000. The man was shocked.
"A thousand quid for a pair of glasses?" he exclaimed. "That's
Outrageous!"
"Try them on," said the shop magician. "They are very special
glasses."
The man put the glasses on and suddenly the shop magician was
naked. So was his female assistant! He took the glasses off, and she
was clothed.
"I'll take them," the man said. He went outside to the bus stop.
The bus pulled up, the man got on and put his glasses on. The bus
driver was naked with his beer-belly hanging over his lap. All the
passengers were naked. He took the glasses off and the passengers
were clothed.
The bus pulled up at the man's stop and he got off, walked up to
his front door and put his glasses on. He walked into his living room
and there sat his wife and best friend on the couch naked. He took the
glasses off and they were still naked.
"Look at that," he said. "A thousand quid for a magic trick and
in thirty minutes it's already broken."

L8R

A man goes to court for attacking his wife.

The Judge says" you are charged with hitting your wife with a lump hammer"

A man from the jury shouts "You swine!"

The judge then says "on top of these charges, i charge you of attacking your mother in law with a lump hammer"

Once again the man in the jury jumps up and shouts "You Swine!"

The judge says to the man in the jury "I know these charges are terrible, but please keep order in my court!"

The man in the jury then says "Oh, im not bothered about him killing these people, its just that i have lived next door to him for 15 years and all this time he told me he never had a hammer i could borrow!"


Ok, i admit it, went to the ken dodd stand up show and they are still fresh in my mind

A man goes to court for attacking his wife.

Not particularly magic related though was it?

i know, we could change it to " a magician goes to court for attacking his wife.............."

always thinking!

A beggar walked up to me the other day & asked me if I had any spare change, so I gave him my shapeshifter...

Did you hear that Uri Geller has died





He rubbed his neck and his head fell off!!

I went to see some Chinese magicians. Two hours later I wanted to see them again.