by aporia » Mar 27th, '09, 00:11
Some ideas:
1. leave a deck of cards. ring and give her instructions on any of those interminable self-workers that depend on counting and addition and taking away the first number you thought of.
2. Book test. Take a copy of a book away with you and do your book test on the one behind. Use Shakespeare's sonnets or Elisabeth Barret Browning and force the word "love"
3. use of of those spelling tests where you ask her to pick any of a set of objects (like countries) and then ask "I think I can see a 'W'" if she says "yes" they say "I think I can see a 'G' " if she says yes the it's Gondwana or whatever
4. tell her to put an odd number of items in a row with a lurve heart on the end. then tell her to switch the items with its neighbour however many times it is, keep doing this and removing the end item until the lurve heart is left.
5. PATEO force a "lovers" tarot card, but the others are all the six of wands (which means long-distance or whatever)
5. put a web cam in her house, stalk her and tell what she's been doing. Do this all the time until she gets a restraining order on you
6. tell her you're not coming back ... ever, then turn up at midnight naked except for a superman cape, a violet bow on your old fella and a red rose up your bottom. catch her in flagrante delicto with your best mate and stab them both through the eye with your super sharpie
