talkmagic.co.uk

1 - Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2 - If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3 - There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4 - People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5 - You should not confuse your career with your life.
6 - Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7 - Never lick a steak knife.
8 - The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9 - You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10 - You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11 - There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12 - The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13 - A person who is nice to you but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14 - Your friends love you anyway.
15 - Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16 - Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the c*** (not the best) out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Let me add....

#17 A husband will never get the last word in an argument, due to the fact that anything he says is actually the start of an entirely new argument!

#18 Phrases to live by "Please, Thank you, and YES DEAR!"

#19 I believe in equality and women's lib......but instead of changing postman to postperson, how about tackling........menstuation, mental illness, menopause, etc......it seems to me that we are picking only the nice ones to change!

Great stuff dat. I especially agree with your gossip statement and the one with the ark (8 & 15). Since I'm not even half your age I don't know as much wisdom, but...

#20 Pride comes before the fall, but being humble leads to honor.

#21 Being an artist and a perfectionist results in a lot of unfinished artwork.

#22
procastination sucks

now i gotta go back to my paper

# 23:
If you want to hear God laugh, tell him what you've got planned for your life.

Peter Marucci wrote:# 23:
If you want to hear God laugh, tell him what you've got planned for your life.

LOL! So true!

For years (since I was young) I told people I would never live on the East Coast of the USA.

I don't think 2 years is funny.

But I'm looking on the bright side of things now. I'm now saying "I will never ever ever in the next year win over $100million in the lottery".

Aim way beyond anything you'll actually ever achieve
people who set small goals and achieve them on a regular basis become complacent and boring.

also: no one can explain why each november we all start saying things like "its 4pm, it shouldn't be getting dark now, what's all this about?" despite the fact it does happen every single year!

I like it when people say that, after midsummer, the days start getting shorter. No they don't, there's still 24 hours in each one!