Hey
I will PM in a moment about how you could improve it on a certain point of the trick, because otherwise I would expose it
Ok
Firstly the core of the trick is a great idea however you would need to compress the background story to around 30-50 seconds because any longer than that for a trick like this would just be boring to the spec.
Secondly like rcarlsen said you should throw in a few false cuts/flourishes/shuffles so the specs think it is a totally fair deck. I personally would do this for around 40 - 60 secs (well that is if you know enough false moves to cover that space of time) because I think with makes it look more impressive and would really grab the audiences attention.
Actually what I think you should do is combine my first 2 points so you could be doing the shuffles/cuts/flourishes at the same time, because this means the audience will not switch off before you bring the cards out.
Then I think you need to condense the rest of the trick time wise because again like rcarlsen said the laymen would have probably forgot what the original 2 cards for each player were.
BUT please remember I am not having a go at you or disrespecting you skills - I am merely giving constructive criticism which could help improve this from an average trick to something quite special.
However the actual card handling was pritty good and the overall effect was nice.
This was a great attempt for a first trick - Well Done
