by seige » Jul 18th, '06, 17:23
The jerking movements and lack of grace tip the gaff, as do the hard shadows and poor lighting.
You need to keep a check on your body jerks and fluidity... you're able to video yourself, which is a great start. Use the video as a reference to improve.
A good start, but much more practice needed. I think we all know 'who' and 'what' you're emulating here, and it just looks way too obvious.
Keep practicing and good luck!