talkmagic.co.uk

Yorkshire Pudding wrote:.... Now everyone's going to think I'm really weird

Join the clan!

How about:

Your teeth are like stars - they come out at night.
Your lips are like petals - bicycle pedals (better spoken than written!)
I'm sure you don't sleep with strangers so let me introduce myself….
Do you have a map? I keep on getting lost in your eyes.
Please hold my hand so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel.

You can all now see why I don’t have any success chatting up the ladies !

"you had me at get-lost..."

thats the only thing close to any chat-up line i can think of...though i did hear a magician joke the other day...

one magician says to another "hey, my wife needs an urgent operation...could you lend me say £200 or so?"

the other magician says "yeah, sure...what about some money for some magic tricks too?"

the first magician says "oh no, money for magic tricks i've got..."

Haha this thread is great!

Reminds me of my old clubbing days back in the day...

Well. Alright then. 2 years ago.

One night, me and my mates had a cheesy pick-up lines competition. Worst pick-up line we actually tried on a girl got a free beer.

A friend said "You must be tired from running through my mind all day"
Another said "Come on. Sit on my lap and we'll do the first thing that pops up"
And the winning one, for a pint of beer and that smug look of satisfaction when you've just been slapped...:

"Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a boner? I haven't got a Ferrari love "

"When the pepper spray runs out, can i have your number?"

the cheeky one is the sidle up to a girl at the bar as she's ordering and say "and a pint of lager too please" on top of whatever she ordered. now, she'll either think you're cute and buy you a drink, but if she gets offended and says she's not buying it, offer to pay for the round. ba zing!

or, just sidle (i like to sidle in clubs, it moves the crowds quicker) up to someone, say hello, introduce yourself and ask how they are; do it loudly and with a lot of enthusiasm, while simultaneously stealing the drink out of their hand, as they reply, start to drink. i do this to my friends at our local rock club (usually only works the first time), and i've had one guy take his drink straight back, a few others wonder how i managed to be drinking their drink (a minute or 2 into the conversation), but most of all, they just don't realise. brilliance.
now, i realise this isn't very chatty uppy, but i thought i'd throw it in their. i don't do the chatting up thing

Lawrence wrote:or, just sidle (i like to sidle in clubs, it moves the crowds quicker) up to someone, say hello, introduce yourself and ask how they are; do it loudly and with a lot of enthusiasm, while simultaneously stealing the drink out of their hand, as they reply, start to drink. i do this to my friends at our local rock club (usually only works the first time), and i've had one guy take his drink straight back, a few others wonder how i managed to be drinking their drink (a minute or 2 into the conversation), but most of all, they just don't realise. brilliance.
now, i realise this isn't very chatty uppy, but i thought i'd throw it in their. i don't do the chatting up thing

This is brilliant! So you literally just take their drink?! Don't they try to hang onto it? I like this... very much so.

Ok here we go...

"Jean Claude Van Damme you're fine!"

"Are you Jamaican? [No, why?] because you're jer-makin-me-crazy."

"Your name must be Gillette? The best a man can get."

"Pick a number between 1 n 10 ['3'] sorry you lost, you'll have to take off all your clothes."

"I may not be the best looking lad here, but hey, I'm the only one talking to you!"

Some of my favs

try it, you'd be suprised. i think the idea was formed after watching a derren brown show and i though "ah ha, i have an idea"

Sounds a bit like a cataleptic trance...of sorts. Really nice idea that, I'd love to see their reaction when they realise you've got their drink! .

heres a good one

Im no fred flinstone but i bet i could make your bedrock

i think this is the best one ive ever heard ive never used it thoe because all the ladies come up to me (im only joking well in my imagination they always come up to me lol)

"you remind me of an onion, so tasty that you make me cry..."

...from a derren brown episode "which one of you lucky girls wants to win a finger-ring"

or just thumb through an old copy of Viz for any sid the sexist chat-up lines..."do you like jewellry?..."

if you were a booger..id pick you first (for the immature crowd..and the i want to get slapped crowd as well)

When I was a student a loooong time ago up in Newcastle I had a geordie mate who had a lethal combination of no shame and extreme bravery when it came to chatting up women.
Using these chat up lines I've seen him both slapped, hit and a drink or two thrown on him. And now thanks to Abraxus I know where he got them from, Viz.

They aren't the most eloquent lines ever....anyway here goes.

Excuse me do you like chicken?.....Taste my c**k it's foul

Excuse me do you eat alot of fruit?.....Suck my **lls they're peachy

Excuse me do you like diamonds cause my c**k is a real gem.


These were his more subtle advances. what was even more surprising is the fact he used to pull an awful lot too. Mind you he was probably playing the numbers game, ask enough peopl and you'll get a yes at some point. Especially at the end of a very boozy night.

Quite honestly, I always used to find that the best chat-up lines if you actually wanted to make a SUCCESS of things were the ones which were less self-confident.

For example—"I don't usually come to this club, as it's a bit too loud!" is a fantastic opener. Cheesy, yes.

Another one is to RESPECT the friends of your intended target: "Hello, would you mind if I bought you and your friends a drink?"

HOWEVER!!!!!!

I'm a softie at heart, but what you guys REALLY want are the funnies...


+++

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

+++

If I were to ask you for sex, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?

+++

Wow, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

+++

So, do you like fat guys with no money?

+++

Your eyes are like spanners - every time you look at me my nuts tighten.

+++

Fancy making a porno? We don't have to video it.

+++

Magician: Have I shown you my magic watch? It tells me that you're not wearing any underwear ...

Target: Nice try, I am wearing underwear.

Magician: Drat ... It must be an hour fast!

+++

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? No? (Pull out yor pockets inside out) Would you like to?

+++

Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.

+++

Here is £20. Drink until I am really good looking, then come to talk to me.

Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? No? (Pull out yor pockets inside out) Would you like to?

The only one I've got is "you look an awful lot like my next girlfriend..."