talkmagic.co.uk

Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:

40-ish ........................ 49.
Adventurous ............... Slept with everyone.
Athletic ...................... No breasts
Average looking .......... Moooo.
Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure ......On medication.
Feminist ..................... Fat
Free spirit .................. Junkie
New-Age .................... Body hair in the wrong places.
Open-minded ............. Desperate
Outgoing ................... Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional .............. B*tch
Voluptuous ................ Very Fat
Hugh frame ............... Hugely Fat
Wants soul mate ........ Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay

haha - certainly put a smile on my face!

Carlos75 wrote:...7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you...

That is so true it's spooky. Are men really that transparent? I guess so.

you forgot one:-

yes you look fat in that dress - i like to be hurt and humilated by you.

Be honest, there's not much which doesn't translate to 'I'd like to have sex with you'.

It's nothing = It's EVERYTHING!

Lady of Mystery wrote:Be honest, there's not much which doesn't translate to 'I'd like to have sex with you'.

Very cynical Lady of Mystery!

although you're probably right

more women translation

Im annoyed = Im infuriated
Im upset = Im infuriated
Im dissapointed = Im unfuriated

Im fine = Im infuriated
I love you = Im unfuriated, but if I dont say something nice you'll clock on.
That feels nice = I wish you would take your hands off me
You're a good kisser = My ex was better than you
You look nice = don't expect to be seen with me dressed like that

Sure you can hun = you're so gonna pay for that
hun, isnt she pretty? = If you say yes, you'll never have sex with me again!!
Do you want to make love? = If you say yes, you'll never have sex with me again!!

Hun, I want us to talk about our future = I wish our future was one with you not in it

Happy Birthday = don't expect sex tonight
Merry Christmas = don't expect sex tonight
Happy Anniversary = don't expect sex tonight

I.D wrote:hun, isnt she pretty? = If you say yes, yu'l never have sex with me again!!

Classic! Another version of this when talking about another girl is "I think she's really pretty... *pause*"

Unspoken meaning: say yes and I'll be offended, say no and I'll think you're making excuses/lying. Say nothing and the situation will be awkward... so I'll assume the answer's "yes".

True True

The BIGGEST liars on this planet is the species they call Women.

Woman.. say whats on your mind.. I only read minds for entertainment.. I dont expect to have to do it for real..

If you say its fine.. Im going to leave you to it because I trust you, and so I will believe you are fine.

If you say you're not thinking anything.. I will probe no further.

When I say Im not thinking if anything.. Im NOT. If I am, its probably fantasy thoughts about other women so I'll stay quiet so as not to offend you

If I say I forgot to do something, I did forget. I admit openly I use less of my brain than you.. I like it that way.. less to focus on. The chances are I will continue to forgot, unless there is some kind of incentive in it for me. Men are a selfish species, I can't help it .. its genetic make-up.. Its not my fault.

If you ask for my honest opinion, dont be offended if its not what you want to hear, if you want me to tell you what you want to hear, ask me to LIE!!

If you tell me to go out with my friends tonight I will !!

If you think Im lazy.. bravo for finally bothering to learn something about me..

If you think looking at another women is committing adultery in my heart, we probably should have got a divorce lawyer the night we met !!

you're starting to push your luck ID

Well I dont expect you to understand.. your from Venus I assume !!

im a Martian babe

I might possibly categorise you differently to most women.. your kinda chilled and laid back.. I think I could put up with you

hmmmm, I think you've just about got away with that one