talkmagic.co.uk

having to do some research for my drama A2 level...

having to do a bit on pro-ana at the moment

you never really realise how sick some people's minds can be, until youread some of this

making my stomach turn at the moment

really, really, bad

Yes, it's very sad. What must have happened in their lives (real or imagined) to turn them to ana? It's just very sad - and I feel for the poor parents too. It must be hell for them.

well..t'aint your fault is it?!

people only stop harming themself when they either hit rock bottom and something inside them makes them climb back up, or, I'm afraid - they just stay there...

that goes for all addictions, both physical and mental I'm afraid...

I have had to write a blog, effectively, for my performance. I'm going to have to perform this soon, as part of my overall piece:

I'm so frustrated...I just want to be thin...but sometimes...sometimes, I just feel that it would be impossible. I stared at myself in the mirror...stared again...and lost it. I wish that I could get rid of my fat...get rid, and start again. I wish I was thin...I hate me. My friends say that I look nice...but I know that they are lying, and laughing at me...how can anybody like how I look? I'm fat...fat and ugly...I'll never be thin enough for them. Look at me...my shoulders...my stomach...pure, and utter, fat. I feel it...feel it all the time...I wish I could just rip it off...no-one can understand...everyone else is beautiful and thin...

everyone but me...

Having to write this...it wasn't hard to do, in the literal sense, but it was probably one of the hardest things to do emptionally. Seeing some of the comments...the way that they feel. I had to get into their mindset

it is something I hope not to have to do again.

It was, effectively, emotionally draining. How can we really understand? No matter how much we try?

you can't...cos you're not like it...

keep it simple beardykins..

i lived with a relative for years that was a raging alkie - but with any form of mental of physical addiction, you can't really understand "how they do it to themselves"...usually they can't either - you just have to accept that it's the world they created or where brought up in, in some sense...

i can't remember the name of the guy, but he was potentially called "the iceman", not from the x-men comic, but some wierdo hitman loner (arent they all?!) - and during his psychological profiling after his arrest, the psychologist said to him "do you know what, if it wasnt for 2 or 3 major incidents in your childhood - you would of been an absolute hero on this earth..."

and as bill hicks said "All you need is the right girl, the right bar, and the right friends. They will see you off. They will christen your dumpster for you.."

it's a very strange life beardy, get used to it, sometimes beautiful, sometimes downright ugly...like a girl wearing far too much make-up...

it's what you choose to see in the cold light of day that makes things worthwhile...

not to be cruel, but i just ate two walnut whips...first thing i've eaten in 4 days after a particularly painful gut virus...still, plenty more meat on my gut-hump see, that's a breakthrough for me right there...