talkmagic.co.uk

Kems and Farlsborough we are brothers in arms. However, whenever I try to explain to people why I detest Whiley I can't articulate it and just sound like a bit of a bitter fellow. Like you Kems I think the texts sum it up, the fact is she's reading out absolute pointless tosh to fill up radio time depsite being paid somewhere around the half a million a year mark to do so. I literally could do her job. I couldn't do Moyles's job, I couldn't do Mills's, but I could do Whiley's show much better once I got used to being on air.

Once upon a time I go so annoyed with her c*** (not the best) that I decided to do a little test and see if I could get a text read out. After all, if the benchmark of her usual output is anything to go by even the most mundane piece of observation should get me on air. It took a week of texting and in the end one was read out, but not before a truckload of inane codswallop had been whittered. Essentially my point is if you're going to spend a large amount of time reading out listener texts why don't you read out the funny or interesting ones? I frankly don't care if someone I've never met from somewhere I've never been likes or doesn't like a particular music track. However I am interested if they've got something amusing to say about it.

And don't get me started on fecking 'changing tracks'....

Sweet merciful cr@p, yes...

"got loads of texts in... wow... amazing... never liked chumbawumba before but after hearing how it got your gran's cat out of a tree it made me cry just listening to the words..."

I also just hate the new trendy "alternative" music she champions. All this "live lounge" malarky - like she's at the cutting edge of cool new music, and all she plays is every "The" band known to man... The Feeling... The Fray... The View... The Kooks... (who accordingly to radio 1 are Britain's biggest band - what?!)... how achingly cool, some rip-off band have done a Kylie Minogue cover. How bl**dy hip and ironic of them.

Maybe it's the constant intaking of breath through the mouth... the air of disassociation... the sucking up to any flavour-of-the-second band she interviews... or maybe it's because she loves the Arctic Monkeys, who for me (and I realise I may be isolating myself here) need stuffing in a bag and beating with shovels. "See you later, innovator." S*d off.

Bronz (and any fellow protagonists), you should definitely check out this song by Mistys Big Adventure. Pretty much sums it up for me.

you guys really made my day, listening to your words made me smile and I now know I am not alone.....

also edith bowman anyone??? GET IN THERE.... ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr

Bowman irritates me but not as much as Whiley, at least she actually lives the life Whiley pretends to. She goes to obscure gigs and has real enthusiam for it but at the same time her show is very lame. Funnily enough I bumped into her at Reading last summer and completely forgot (long day plus gargantuan boozing in the sun) that she didn't know me. What with hearing her most days of the week I sort of imagined that if I grinned cheekily and said "Alright!" whilst bobbing my head she'd welcome my advance with open arms. Sadly she just gave me a bit of a polite smile and dashed off to her rock star boyfriend. I reckon we'd get on ok if we met socially though, seems nice enough.

I remember now the first time I came to utterly hate Whiley. It was after she'd presented an obscure brown nosing trophy at the Brits a couple of years ago and was blathering on in that annoying way that she does, trying to make it sound like no big deal but rather transparently boasting her head off. Amongst the other 'crazy' things she did was leave her shoes behind somehow (maybe a couple too many jack and cokes eh?!!) and though this annoyed her she said "Oh well they were only 250 quid."

That basically crystallises all the reaons I loathe her and if you read that and hate her too then no explanation is necessary.

And the up & coming 'emos' and 'indie chicks' aspire to her.
Worrying, eh?
She comes across as one of those 'who actually wants her here anyway?' type of guests to me.
I've only had the 'pleasure' of hearing her show a handful of times on my travels, but from what I can tell, there is a set format going on:

* Get insulted by presenter on previous show, ending in some sexual innuendo.

* Blather on about something in the showbiz world, taken from the 3am section of the Sun and somehow make it even more misinformed, whilst kidding herself that any self respecting person even cares in the slightest.

* Introduce a 'new' band who is 'simmering under the surface' - play some re-hashed indie nonsense sung in a mockney accent.

* Read out texts about how wonderful previous band were and how people saw them in The Golden Wig when they were 'unknown'. even more so.

* Live lounge - read out press release word for word, then press play.

* Read out more texts - similar subject as before.

* Some heartwarming nonsense that just comes across as patronising & nauseating, from the man-voiced featureless hag.

* Adam burns his radio.

Amen.

To swing this around slightly I have booked my tickets to this years Latitude festival after the headline acts were announced today.

Interpol and Sigur Ros here I come. You can take your Glastonbury and stick it up a hippies *rse.