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Driving down to a hotel near Heathrow airport last night for a gig. Coming from Sheffield this is a 3 hour trip. Just pulling onto the M1 when I realise that I've left my glasses at home. Now they're reading glasses so I don't need them for driving - but most of my "tricks" require the use of me doing looking. "Drat!" I think. "I'll have to stop at a services and buy a pair of those cheapo reading glasses."

First services - no glasses.
Second service - no glasses.

Just approaching the third services when my satnav dies. Just bloody dies. It was a Sony. A bit cheaper than the Tom Tom I had nicked. Never ever buy a Sony satnav. They're rubbish when they work, then when you need them most they die.

So I stop at the third services and I'm forced to buy a huge bleeding pull out map of London that includes the M25 & Heathrow. I get back in the car and unfurl this huge expanse of paper. The writing is too small for me to see without my glasses - which I left at home.

In desperation I go back into the services to try and buy some glasses. Luckily they have some! Hurrah! However they are *way* too strong for me and are encrusted with diamonte jewels. But I need them. So I buy them. Ignoring the odd look the cashier gives me, I return to the car.

Folding, unfolding, and refolding the huge map I manage to formulate a route in my head to the hotel. Off I set.

Despite all the stops and delays and having to ask directions once, I arrive at the hotel on time. I decide not to wear the too strong diamonte glasses. So I'm hoping for a well-lit arena in which to work to give my failing eyesight at least half a chance of pulling off a few miracles. Sadly they've opted for the atmospheric candle-lit atmosphere. Normally in this situation I would just pull out my tarot and ask "Who'd like a tarot reading?" and watch the queue form. However at this gig they stipulated "no tarot" in case, apparently, I upset anyone with particular religious beliefs.

So I'm literaly flying blind. Some things work (luckily I had an imp pad with me), some things don't (which I manage to laugh off as me demonstrating real phenomena rather than just "tricks"). Everyone happy, I get paid, and head off back home.

This morning I went to retrive the broken satnav from my car. As I climbed out of the car I tripped and smashed the satnav into the pavement, cracking the screen in a very dramatic "gun shot" style. That'll be the refund from the shop buggered then.

So tomorrow I'm going to Comet to buy a Tom Tom (not, repeat NOT a Sony). I am also going into therapy. And I'm buying a normal (as opposed to diamonte) pair of cheap glasses to put in my glove compartment just in case.

Thank you and good night.

Sorry to hear about your disastrous time, but glad you got through it. I hate it when stuff like that happens, I was very glad when 2008 got out of the way. I hope that things get better.

Yes, what was it about 2008? Most people I know had rubbish years.

Sorry about the awful journey, Paul. Just one of those days, I suppose, but they are damn frustrating.

Actually it really has it's funny side! I'm sure I looked a right numpty sat in my car, drowning beneath oceans of map, trying to find my street while wearing a pair of diamonte encrusted reading glasses. Don't feel sorry for me. Laugh at my pain!

Well, if you insist.

Part-Timer wrote:Well, if you insist.

That's better!

Sorry for laughing but thats one of the funniest stories ive heard for a while .....
Now you know why ladies have such large bags with all sorts of wierd stuff inside .... ya just never know ...

F x

FairieSnuff wrote:Sorry for laughing but thats one of the funniest stories ive heard for a while .....

My favourite bit was when I tripped and smashed the satnav. I was actually quite pleased as it meant I didn't have to go back to Maplins and fight for a refund! I can now just casually stroll into Comet and get a Tom Tom. I'll need it this week because I'm >cough cough< off to the Magic Circle on Wednesday.

You want to take something for that cough, sounds nasty... dont wanna be getting ill now do you ...

F x

FairieSnuff wrote:You want to take something for that cough, sounds nasty... dont wanna be getting ill now do you ...

F x

Sad (but comical!) tale of woe Paul, I can't get the image of you in diamonte encrusted glasses out of me head! Anything like these?

LOL thats a fab story

oh no, what a nightmare!

I always keep a spare pair of glasses in the car, just in case. I've lost too many contact lenses in my time and had to drive home one eyed.

I don't trust Sat Navs either and usually print out a route and map from multimap just in case. Although up to now I've never had a problem with my Sat Nav.

Well I'm glad that you got through it, it's at times like that when you have to laugh otherwise you'll end up crying.

What a great story; very funny. Carry on Magic, indeed.

At least you can see the funny side...even if it's a tad blurry.