talkmagic.co.uk

Hey guys!

Tally ho from the Dominican Republic...

I just wanted to relate a little story to you and remind everyone that even when you are well practiced at a routine things can go very wrong if you get complacent.

Ok so I've been working 60 hour weeks since January with one day off, but it's been making a real difference to people here and it's been well worth it (the guests at the hotel think I'm a hero)... However I'm tired and a little streched.
I had to perform a song (Live and let die) last night in one of our cabaret shows and decided to do it as Phileas (James Bond) Flash. As it's mainly instrumental, I decided to do a straightjacket escape and got one of our dancers to lead me on at gunpoint. I then sung the verses and escaped during the instrumental breaks, while my dancers danced around me.

It was all going swimmingly until I came to the bit where I use my foot to pull the armstraps down...

What is meant to happen (and has happened every other time I've done it) is that the strap slips off my heel and snaps up between my crown jewels (to much laughter from everyone)...

What actually happened is that the strap got caught behind my heel and I fell over face first on to the ground, with nothing but my nose to break my fall... Unfortunately no-one had had the foresight to place cushions on the stage so the aforementioned ground was a trifle harder than my head... I can still hear the loud bang and see the ground rushing towards me (thank god it wasn't an aerial esacpe).

I staggered up and as the blood started to spray from my facial wounds one of my dancers had the wherewithall to take me off stage (at gunpoint obviously). The irony of this is that had I escaped they were meant to hit me over the head and drag me off. Alledgedly none of the audience noticed and thought that it was all part of the act!!! A little reminiscent of Tommy Cooper's death.

Anywho, for twenty minutes I had loss of vision in one eye (a very scary sensation) and my nose bled for about five hours. I have a cartoon black eye, a nose the size of solihull, I can't feel any of my teeth (although I didn't lose any thank god), numerous cuts and bruises on my face and a lip that had to be glued up by the doctor man. But no permanant damage I hope.

I went straight back from the doctors to the hotel I work at (so that people could see that I was still alive before my face swelled too badly). Before going to my home to nurse my wounds...

But now I am unable to work for a few days as my face is far too scary to show small children (my target audience), so I have to take time off. Which sounds great, but I can't do much as it hurts me to even think... That said it's probably just natures way of telling me that it's time to take a break before I burn out.

Anywho, the moral of this tale is that we all need to be careful, no matter how many time we've performed a trick successfully, things can and will occassionally go wrong.

Big love guys...
xxx

strangely, i thought of you today sir - just a simple, "i wonder how Flash is these days?"...

and here you are, resplendent in red and blue...a very great shame, and i wish you well old bean...

have a whisky via a crazy straw and i hope things bend sooner than expected...

Bless you old boy...

I'm ok, clowns are made of rubber...

And I've just been told it's red nose day in the UK... (noses don't come redder than mine right now)

Sorry to hear the news but, in true Flashy tradition, your disaster was done in public, on stage, and in a very funny way! I suggest you don't keep it in your act though......

It's the only way to do it old boy....

Audiobooks will be your friend til you recover! They're the only way to kill time when you're in bed injured!!!!!

You silly goose!

Keep calm and carry on...

That sounds rather painful old boy!
Take the opportunity to kick back and relax for a few days

Dear me, I felt your pain while reading ... similar to when you see somebody get smashed with a football right in the jewelery shop.
I do hope you recover soon.
I know you are a fan of Buster Keaton, but I sure hope you won't start repeating all of his stunts, old chap!

Cheers!

Ouch, that sounds painful. Glad to hear that there's not real damage done.

I would have paid good money to see that!

Dreadfully sorry to hear about your injuries, sounds awful. I do hope you get better soon!

So just an update... After three days in the hibernation tank, I'm feeling alot better, still looking pretty beat up, but make up and sunglasses will cover that. so back in to work tomorrow.

Spent my time in my room mainly. It's funny, but even I found it really strange to have people staring at me all the time (not in a good way). It's surprising how the way you look affects peoples behaviour to ywards you..
I guess that I've been walking in someone elses shoes for a few days... Very humbling..

Anywho thanks for all your messages of concern and I'll send you a Dom Rep update soon

x

I must say I had a good laugh at this story. I hope you make a full recovery soon.

Flash,

Best of luck in your recovery mate. Missed you at Blackpool this year. Your old buddy Tenko.