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if you wish to see it as a scientific approach, and the person you lost was family genetically - then remember that part of them lives on in you...

and even if it was "just" a friend or similar, then remember that part of them still lives on or remains with you in memories and positive thoughts...

anyone that you love, and/or loves you will always want you to be positive and realistic - remember that, and be true to yourself as well the memories you carry...

you can even have a manly and hairy kiss x

I'm very sorry to hear your loss.



I wish I could really add something more to the conversation here but I dont believe in God, I dont really feel a need for him(her, it whatever) I usually take the pain of losing someone and just shove it deep down inside and am just going to wait and let the doctor cut it out with the cancer in 20 years.

Sorry to hear of your troubles, Lenoir. That's a lot to have to take in a very short time.

I've been developing my own spiritual belief system for the past 30 or 40 years, and I'm sure it will continue growing, changing, and deepening as even more decades pass. So I'm the last person to claim I have all the answers, or even any of them.

Since I believe each life is merely one lesson in an extremely long series, I have no real fear of death or mortality. This belief certainly helped me cope when my parents died, but at the same time I'd be lying if I said I didn't grieve for my losses.

I guess what I learned was: When it finally comes down to your own real life and emotions, there's only so much that religion can do for you. The rest you've just got to get on with.

In a spirit of treating this topic like a poll, I'll just say: No, I never feel like I need religion, although I used to have it bad.

Very sorry for you loss. I personally don't feel the need for a god; after the grieving I prefer to remember and celebrate the lives of the loved ones that I've lost. My best wishes.

Craig.

cragglecat wrote:Very sorry for you loss. I personally don't feel the need for a god; after the grieving I prefer to remember and celebrate the lives of the loved ones that I've lost. My best wishes.

Craig.

Actually this is far more common about the world and was even common practice in much of the European lands prior to that little bit of "Missionary" work Constantine got started with...

The whole Halloween festival was a week long celebration of those who had passed in the past year's time, the observance being more like the Jewish Passover on some levels in that food and seat were set aside for those who had crossed. Of course, this was also a time for "Birching" and cleansing the land and thus, those damned Druids would toss those State Criminals that were not capable of rehab, into that giant wicker effigy/cage and set them alight... As cruel as this sounds, the purpose behind it was to release the soul/essence of these criminals, so they might be purified and made fit to return as a productive member of society -- their role as a living "sacrifice" being more a choice made by those Bar-B-Qed vs. the more brutal modes of execution... go figure

Mourning a loss is normal and healthy, but only to a point. I find it rather revolting how so many in our culture take so incredibly long to "get over it" (as the gay grief counselors say). But then I have that blasted Buddhistesque way of looking at such events and too, I've become quite numb when it comes to loss... at least to some degree; burying over 30 people over a two year period will do that to you (the early and mid 80s as the AIDs epidemic first reached critical mass).

With my father's failing health and age I oft ponder just how I'll deal with it, even though we've never been all that close. But even the loss of my mother is a thought that plagues my mind. Not the fear of that loss but just uncertainty as to how I'll actually react to it? After all, I still have deep angst over the loss of my pet wolf and my dog Sam... but then I still mourn my pets from when I was a kid and most of them I miss far more than the majority of the humans I've known... kind of odd, but animals just tend to be far more "human" if you get my drift.

My condolences for your loss and yes I have felt the need for religion but have never rationally succumbed to it.

I think a belief in something else stems from an emotional need for it, otherwise it would not exist at all. I remember in sixth form we had a christian pop group come in to perform and one of the members said she had "found God" after her father died and her mother committed suicide. She needed religion to cope with the situation and her life. I think many people need this belief because of a fear of dying, inability to let go of loved ones, to try and explain the (currently) unexplainable. This is why older people and those suffering from serious illnesses tend to become more religious.

Just my opinion but for me I would prefer that people just remembered the (hopefully) positve effect I had on/in their lives and got on with their own rather than hoping that I was experiencing "something more".

That to me is why life is so important. You only get one shot and once it is gone it is gone. I would hate to look back on my life on the day I die and think "What a waste."

A_n_t wrote:I think a belief in something else stems from an emotional need for it, otherwise it would not exist at all.

Or a spiritual need perhaps.

Gary Dickson wrote:

A_n_t wrote:I think a belief in something else stems from an emotional need for it, otherwise it would not exist at all.

Or a spiritual need perhaps.

I am always open to the possibility even if I do not remotely think it to be the case.

=)

Hi Lenoir. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother-in-law a number of years ago. She was a wonderful woman whom I loved dearly, and she was quite young. It was not easy.
Belief in god is simply a by-produce of the way our brains are wired. That is why there are so many different and contradictory versions of the belief. Rather like language. We are wired for it, but there are thousands of different versions, each unintelligable to those using a different version. Perhaps some day we will have advanced culturally to such an extent that such beliefs will no longer be prevalent. Until then, if the belief gives you comfort through these hard times, there is no harm in it. And feel no guilt if you decide to drop the belief when you no longer need it. Tony.