talkmagic.co.uk

quite surprising because

Tidal waves always

arrive in large

waxy carrier bags

despensed by evil

fish worshiping gnomes

with nothing better

to do than

dispense plastic bags

An ugly duckling on the rampage: ‘oh stop it’, said the ducks as they stuffed a teddy with the end of saving Private Ryan. The tape was firmly stuck upon the back of the ominously ticking and yet somehow suicidal lady bird, performing linking rings with nothing but a toothbrush and a very reluctant kipper with legs. It was only 5.99 but never tasted better. Sadly, there was no caramel in the new wispa gold; that made me enter a coma. I meant comma. Is that it, let’s hope so, then everyone died during hot sex because of ducky aka Ricky Martin, and a lemon was inserted up somewhere unpleasant Abba’s Benny Anderson which is disgusting. So after that they died again, and again and the world imploded then exploded which prevented all attempts to destroy ducky again and again then everyone died. The end. Until... everyone died again.
‘Goodbye cruel world’ said the suicidal postage stamp. Then, books not DVDs are much more nutritious when fresh because they contain pro-argen formula. ‘Ah ha- said spooney the goon as he picked his nose and scratched his llama’s nostril hair and so Eshly’s death, just for a short time. Which was nice, considering that the youngster’s knees trembled at Alton towers which resulted in a truly magnificent and very quick, altogether most amazing, but quite ridiculous, although very understandable and potentially offensive, one and only, genuinely quite disturbing, but somehow reassuring massive diarrheal attack which destroyed the universe. The end... or perhaps not: it definitely was not the end at all because everyone found out what was inside Hally Berry’s Brain and it was... quite, quite disturbing as it was.....

DUCKY! Who began to quack vociferously with an AK47 under his wing, armed and dangerous! His childhood however was unfortunately quite filled with regrets that his mother fu**ing drug dealer only supplied him with gummy bears crammed full of the souls of rebellious emu's and overweight axe wielding murderous, revengeful kittens which wasn't nice for the monkey and exploding teapot. One broke wind whilst looking at an empty tin sat next to a strangely familiar woman who asked, how many words would it take to play three of a kind person's children at three word story!
Suddenly, four chimpanzees darted across toxic castle moat of lord voldermort heading towards the Tin can which was full of some big tadpoles who changed into a big fat frog with no concept of time nor sense of fashion or timing. The frog snarled, whilst nuclear penguins polished his toenails with acidic rat poison which had a green crust and deep filled strange stench, that bewildered the frog's ability to transform his children's hair dresser, even though he was surrounded by a large crowd of people who were also able to transform into penguins varnishing their rat's toenails in the blink of an eyesore cat-toast turbine machine power by 12 tiny fairies with moustaches and large magic wands which could render almost any magician helpless to CUPS and balls performances involving midget gems .
The earth trembled when ducky flew over the nest and lost his mum's dirty soul record collection underneath Eugene Burger's beard while all around him, excited spectators giggled like grannies on speed and watched Kreskin sing about dead lovers while hypnotising a three eyed fish eating a banana flavoured postit note growing from large desk tidys. Later the following day Eugene Burger returned with a machete and angry beard that could talk. Paul Daniels liked the beard, and grew one himself and another on his pet frog named Whiskers who could kill a whose yellow spots glowed due to radioactive snot dribbling from a cactus shaped TT, worn by the person in Jessica Alba’s wide garage door called Eric the Red headed monk, adept at hurling squirrels at dangerously large cold dead eyes.
Meanwhile the tadpoles attacked Ducky the somewhat rabid puppet with scythes and a glow stick. Ducky, fuel by magic monkey juice began scrambling over some scrambled egg whilst screaming “I’m not going to eat your heart again” angrily looking. In the meanwhile while nobody looked Ducky snuck past and killed a bout of boredom with his laser, phaser, taser, quaser quaver. Ducky picked the ace of blades from his deck of shards and guffawed ghoulishly into his very large and round table made of lardy cake. Suddenly nothing happened, except Nick Clegg ate Michael Foot’s foot which tasted like a foot’s foot. “Cheese is made a big springy meat substance” said the foot as foot kicked him that hurt a slice of grammar school made apple covered in toffee and banana flavoured bananas.
Carmen Miranda, who was wearing Mr Delmonte’s catalogue. He said “Yes!” Carmen was delighted.
That’s when Ducky decided to fly from Lance Burtons underwear without a pink lace tutu to cover his credentials and his red sponge balls. Heston Blumenthal enters and bites a child’s head off, then everyone died. From the grave everyone died again. Except your mum who miraculously produced tea and tadpoles because she was a cooking champion drinking pigs blood through a straw made of pigs chopped up into straw shaped sausages. Suddenly Uri Geller lost his footing while treading barefoot in cow manure that he’d bent on your mum’s Antimacassar.
“Oh no!” Shouted wild Ducky “I’ve lost my marbles in Uri’s spoon drawer!” He eyed your mum, dressed in pig skin, large rubber boobs lactating hot water and holding a small wizened chimp whose name was Charles Darwin Jr.
Darwin was bald, his evolutionary baldness led to him gradually becoming less bald and rather more brown and wiggy. For his dinner he had Ducky Birdseye potato waffles roasted in bloody elephants trunk stew, with a dash of very hot hp sauce and John Archer’s banknight. After his scrumptious supper he smoked a weird pen shaped like a pair of pyjamas and pillow case and shot himself in the foot with a pea green air pistol that fired marbles made from crystal peanuts and decided it was time to eat jelly.
A year passed before he realised his true sexuality, which shocked him and your mum destroyed a canoe with her butt.
But the oars swam alongside without leaving any ripples or tidal waves, which was quite surprising because tidal waves always arrive in large waxy carrier bags dispensed by evil fish worshipping gnomes with nothing better to do than dispense plastic bags.

Someone contact lulu.com, we've got a literary prizewinner here!

It's very Vivian Stanshall in places... I especially like the last paragraph, it's almost poetic in it's bizarreness.

It should be set to music.....

I've made a separate thread so that it can be read without having to scroll through 9 million pages so people can add to that when their judgement decides.

... 'Following a period

(or full stop)