Well, this will sound very strange. But upon hearing such news, I generally feel like laughing. I know it is apparently common, but it feels incredibly arkward: because it is obviously tradgic news, and I am there, not even finding it funny, feeling a tickling laugh buid up in my face.
If I remember, this is to do with shock. Which sounds about right, because my mind then responded to this shock by in a way denying it. I knew it was real, and it was happening, but deep down I was questioning reality. In this sence, it didn't really 'hit' me.
Then I felt guilty, for not feeling bad- even though it is because I hadn't really realised it was real yet, even though conciously, I knew it was real. I believe it is a coping mechanism. I went to see my deceased grandfather's body and at that time it still had not hit me. In my mind he was asleep, even though there was the rational, meaningless voice telling me that he was dead. My mind just blocked reality out, in a way, to protect me because it would have overwealmed it. It was only once at the funeral when I saw his coffin did it 'hit' me, the reality of the situation.
A boy from my school unfortunatley commited suicide a few months ago, and there was the same shock as in other cases, except I felt sick from the shock and phsyically dizzy: all from the shock. And this time, I got to see, beyond close family members (where it is your family greaving, and outside the window the world is just going on as normal), the widespread devistation and hysterics that the event caused as everyone in that school 'community' was affectd by it and because of that, I realised it as evidently real sooner. You'd expect that when someone who you care about just vanished from you life, the world will stop spinning and when it doesn't, it is difficult to accept that it has truly happened. But I saw that the world did stop spinning, when everyone came out of the assembly hall upon hearing the news, normally there is the roar of 1000 animals talking and filling up their egos, but there was a tremendous, empty silence. Nobody spoke for about half an hour, nobody knew what to say or how to respond. On that occasion it 'hit' me earlier than usual. I think the final realisation was just the little things which remind you: someone had unfortunatley been booked to talk about careers and the future, when in fact, nobody could bear to think about the future especially after one of their own just lost his. I think that really knocked me. Someone else told me that when they saw their friend's name in print, that watered their eye's too.
Something else which I find, is that there is a horrible amnesia which occurs. I understand a fair share about amnesia from my hypno/ nlp studies and it tends to happen once you panic and are in shock or a different state. Then there is a reciprocal loop in which the more you try and remember something, the more you panic, the more you panic the less you remember, and the more you panic.. ad nausium... But anyway, people, I have found, really worry that they cannot remember what the person looked like, or sounded like. I have experienced this myself, and when you're rational mind is telling your emotions that your memories are important, it is a horrible, horrible feeling.
Which is another important thing, when your emotions overwhealm you, people tend to make little jokes, amidst the tears. And there is a mutual understanding amongst the bereaved, as everyone consoles one another. I also observe, that people switch into caring mode and there are certain people who become 'centre stage' in the fact that they are supposedly the most bereaved or closest to the deceased person.
So, those are my observations and personal experiences with people dealing with loss. I hope it is of help, I have had too much experience with these things for someone of my age.
If you are asking for my personal, less engulfed in emotion views on death, they are very positive. For me I try to use it as a day to mark the celebration of the very fact that person was alive, and remember that death means life. I remember that they don't ever stop existing, that they never will, they are part of my reality and they live on in their influence and in people's memories. And there is always one thought which evokes a smile: the image that I have of seeing family member who hate each others guts, who actually participate in feudal warfare with eachother hugging each other, unified by their common grief. That is always a positive thing. I went to a funeral, where I was smiling throughout the whole ceremony because I could remember that person and had really fond memories of them which the reverend was reminding me of. I was smiling at the caring that it brought out in people.. but then a song came on, and despite being genuinley fine, it hit a nerv and all of a sudden I was desperatley fighting back tears for the sake of my little nephew. I don't know why, but music has that power to penetrate any fronts that are put on and just tear them down. At the funeral service of the boy from my school that I was talking about, I switched off because the local revered was manipulating it to turn vulnerable people to his religion, so I opted to sit there reminiscing and thinking about death.. I was realativley fine, if not a little absorbed in the sobre atmosphere, but then a beatifully sung song just knocked me and cracked me open and I had a massive lump in my throat.
So anyway... I'll shut up now.. but those are my observations. I hope this is what you wanted Beardy or I will have to tell everyone about how your getting laid in front of a load of scientists
Cause if you wanted my observations on death in general, not bereavment, then I will be typing for years
