talkmagic.co.uk

I felt it was time to come clean about some of my past experiences in magic. Whether everything that has happened has been down to bad judgement or luck, I will let you decide.

Several years ago I was made redundant. I had been making balloon models with my son for a while so I decided to start earning money doing these at children’s parties. When my son and I started thinking of names we could go by, I explained to him that people who make balloon models were sometimes called twisters. He decided he would be called Twisted. I came up blank. While talking to my dad, he explained that his uncle used to make balloon animals for local children when he was young. There used to be a circus on frequently and his uncle loved the clowns there. He always found that nobody else could cheer him up as much as watching the clowns. It led to a saying of his which was “send in clowns or no-one.” When he started balloon modelling, he used the first letter of each word, S-I-C-O-N and extended them to give his stage name of “Simon Connor.” I liked the idea but chose to stick with just the letters.I used my redundancy money to get posters and adverts made with our stage names and what we did. The day the adverts came out I was exited but was unable to get to buy a local newspaper to read the advert. In the evening a group of locals came round to my house. They didn’t look pleased but I guessed they may have a function where somebody had let them down. I was looking forward to a chance of a first booking so I let them in. They promptly attacked me and started calling me names I couldn’t repeat here. I was left with cuts and a broken arm.

While I was in hospital I saw the advert and realised that “Sicon Twisted balloon models for children” could be taken the wrong way!”

I obviously ditched this idea but got the chance to start performing some magic at a local caravan holiday park. The owner had been doing this himself but was getting too old. He insisted I used all his old props which were more than a little tatty. He even had a fog machine, though the warning sign had sticky letters which said “ke p away from the og ma hine.”I told you it was all a little tatty.
The first few weeks I was doing ok. Not brilliant but as I was getting experience. I still didn’t know how to react to the children though. One show I got a young boy up as a helper. It was hot and he had shorts, T shirt but no shoes or socks. Part way up to the stage something was on the bottom of his foot. He got upset and started crying. I realised it was one of the missing letters from the fog machine and tried to reassure him. I told him not to worry it was only the F in fog machine. In the silence that followed I could see his dad come up holding his chair in the air.

While I was in hospital I decided that children’s shows just were not for me.

I next decided to take up card magic. At first, I decided to do this on the street. I saw a group of workmen and told one of them to pick a card.

While I was in hospital I decided I should check what tools they are holding first!

I then tried to find more permanent work. I thought if I could take a cruise and show some of the crew some card tricks I could get them to put in a word for me. I caused all sorts of injuries, including to myself when I asked them to “shuffle the deck!”

While I was in hospital one of the nurses recognised me and we started chatting. It turned out she was interested in cup stacking and why don’t I give it a try. I looked down at her cleavage and told her she would need some big implants to get her cups stacked.

While I was in hospital it occurred to me that a chilli enema was a strange cure for concussion.

After that experience I decided to just concentrate on something I wanted to do and not to try to show anybody else. In July last year I started learning some gambling routines but after all this time I have to admit I’m no better.

Excellent! I was half way through before I realised this may not be a true story!

Similar to my story when I tried to set up as a violin tutor for children.

"The Kiddy Fiddler" perhaps wasn't the best choice of business name...