Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

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Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Postby katrielalex » May 1st, '06, 14:26



I hope you're not fundamentalist catholic!

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OPEN LETTER TO KANSAS SCHOOL BOARD:
CC:

• OHIO STATE SCHOOL BOARD
• RIO RANCHO SCHOOL BOARD (NEW MEXICO)
• GRANTSBURG SCHOOL BOARD (WISCONSIN)
• COBB COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(GEORGIA)
• SHELBY COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(TENNESSEE)
• CHARLES COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD(MARYLAND)
• NAPERVILLE SCHOOL BOARD(ILLINOIS)
• DARBY SCHOOL BOARD (MONTANA)
• BLUFFTON-HARRISON SCHOOL BOARD (INDIANA)
• TEXAS GOVERNOR RICK PERRY
• KENTUCKY GOVERNOR ERNIE FLETCHER
• SOUTH CAROLINA SENATOR MICHAEL L. FAIR

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.
Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.

Image

In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.


Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

Image

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Kati

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Postby down2infinity » May 1st, '06, 14:35

I myself subscribe to this theory....

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Postby SirRawlins » May 1st, '06, 15:36

OH WOW ... i can feel his noodly appendages tickling my funny bone as we speak .... hillarious Kati, excelent find :lol:

Rob

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Postby taneous » May 2nd, '06, 11:42

String theory anybody?

Actually - the Spagetti Monster theory origionated from an incorrectly translated manuscript. The origional script read that Adam and Eve were 'nudists' - not 'noodles'..

Last edited by taneous on May 2nd, '06, 15:38, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby katrielalex » May 2nd, '06, 15:11

8) :mrgreen:

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Postby Mandrake » May 2nd, '06, 15:20

I'm afraid this has now got pasta point where I can contain my silence and, even if it's the sauce of great unrest, all followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster should beware the coming of the Great Ravioli. You have bean warned :wink: .

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Postby Tomo » May 2nd, '06, 15:28

I saw something about this in New Scientist a few weeks ago. Fantastic stuff!

Image
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Postby katrielalex » May 2nd, '06, 15:36

Mandrake wrote:I'm afraid this has now got pasta point where I can contain my silence and, even if it's the sauce of great unrest, all followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster should beware the coming of the Great Ravioli. You have bean warned :wink: .


*Kati screams as he sinks into the Pit of the Bad Pun where all those who have be(a)n subjected to unpunny puns shall stay forever in agony and tomato sauce*

Apologies for the randomness above.

Kati

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Postby saxmad » May 2nd, '06, 18:21

I wonder who the 17 pirates still around are?

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Postby Dominick » May 3rd, '06, 03:53

Hah, nice one. I like how formally written it was.

:wink:

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Postby Kevin Cann » May 4th, '06, 14:01

I think you'd better be careful that your cartoon depicting the Flying Spaghetti Monster (praise be his name) doesn't offend his loyal followers or they might picket your home and throw meat balls at you.

In the name of his prophet 'Bolognese' (praise be the prophet) I suggest you check your sauces before you publish something as indigestible as this again.

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Postby SirRawlins » May 4th, '06, 16:19

I see it's made your blood 'Boil' Kevin ... I'm sure the depiction of the all mighty was done in good 'Taste'.

As some people travel through life, they'll come to a 'fork' in the road and they'll have to conten'plate' on what is the best route to take.

I think your comments on him checking his 'sauces' were a little unfair ... I'm not the fighting type, but if you wanna 'pizza' me then lets take this outside! :lol:

Rob

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Postby trickyricky » May 5th, '06, 00:19

Hey the first bit was funny, but the puns are getting way to bad to bare! This has all gone way pasta joke now, please stop it or i shall be forked to find the sauce of these violations and have the person strung up by his meatballs.

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