talkmagic.co.uk

Hey guys, all of those who have read my posts and everyone who may have wondered where I have gone. It has been a while. Well, a few weeks I guess. I don't know where else to put this on the site, so I am doing it here. It's kinda a story I guess, think of it as a what not to do, and a what not to let happen to you.

Mods, please delete as needed.

Monday was supposed to be the last day of my life. I had enough of the pain and stress caused by this taxing life and I decided that 10,000 mg of Demoral was a quick and easy way to fall asleep and forget all that was wrong with me. My ex-girlfriend kept pretending like she wanted to be with me, I lost my job, I am not allowed to see my 3 year old daughter. And I found out from her sister that my ex was sleeping with a guy on the same day she came out to see me. My life was a mess. I had lost control. I didn't want the pain. I didn't want to spend my evenings outside crying in a shadow. I wanted it to be over. I didn't let my friends talk to me, my parents (of course) never felt what I did, and I shut everyone off. I took 20 500mg pills at about 11:00 pm on monday.

On wednesday afternoon I woke up wretching in an ICU unit. I was puking because they had been pumping all of the drugs out of my stomach and charcoal into it. The charcoal absorbs the toxins. I still have the shakes. I am still sleepy form it all. I don't remember most of Wednesday or half of today.

This is what I was told happened on tuesday:

At just after midnight I called my mom (about 1 hour after taking the pills) and told her I was sorry, I told her to tell Ashley (my ex) that I was sorry for all the times I made her cry. Then I hung up. My mom tried to call me back and I knocked the phone off the cradle. She said she heard me telling everyone how sorry I was. I don't remember any of it.

She called 911.

My mom saved my life.

On monday I did the dumbest thing in my life, it was almost the last thing of my life. I don't know why I wanted to tell all of you guys this, I just don't want anyone else to make my mistakes. I almost died. I almost took away my daughter's father. I almost took away my sisters' brother. and my parent's son.

If things get hard, get help. You are not alone.

It is indeed true that you are not alone. It is good that you have shared this with us. And it is indeed fortunate that your mother saved you. You have lived to fight another day. This time however you must choose your battles wisely.

You will look back on this horrible experience one day and realise that you will have become stronger from it. Not now perhaps-it will take time for you to adjust to things I imagine.

Right now you need to take things one day at a time. Don't worry about yesterday. You can't saw sawdust. Don't worry about tomorrow either. All life requires for the moment is that you get up in the morning, go about your business and go to bed at night. Don't worry about yesterday any more. Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. When you recover it will be time to start anew.

Count your blessings and remember that a person is hurt not so much by what happens as by their opinion of what happens. And your opinion of what happens is up to you. In other words it is not so much the situation as how you perceive the situation that matters.

Here is a little nursery rhyme which may be helpful:
"Two men looked out from prison bars
One saw mud and the other saw stars"

In other words it is not the situation that is so important as how you look at the situation that matters.

I know you will come through this mess. As a matter of fact you have come through it already.

I am curious as to how old you are. I have a feeling that you have many more years in front of you. I do believe you will make the most of them.

I don't want to make light of your situation but here is a silly nursery rhyme which I have always found helpful in dealing with worry and stress.

"For every ailment under the sun
there is a remedy or there is none
if there be one try to find it
if there be none then never mind it"

In other words if you can do something about a situation then do it. If you can't then to hell with it and don't worry about it.

I have a gut feeling that the best of your life is now in front of you and the worst of your life is behind you.

You WILL come through this and I wish you strength and courage to plough forward. When life hands you a lemon it is possible despite the odds to make lemonade out of it.

You WILL be victorious. I guarantee it.

Thank you Mr Lewis, I know that I will overcome this. I will be a stronger person for it. And I thank god that my stupid plan was thwarted. I just wonder if I will view all of my life up to this date as "before the day i tried..." and "after the day" This is one of those things that so few of us make it through, and thank god so few of us try.

I am so happy that I didn't do what I set out to do that night. I don't want to think about where that would have left me with my religious beliefs. And I don't know where I am for trying.

For one hour, I found life unbearable. I find the thought of never seeing my daughter smile again even worse. Anyone who has kids, you know what I mean.

It makes me feel more sad, thinking about my daughter growing up not knowing me, then all of the stuff that I thought was so important last week. Nothing and no one leaving your life is so important that you should quit. What if the next day you meet your shining star?

Sorry guys, I just wanted to share. If you feel alone, you aren't. Some one out there has gone through the same things as you. It may not be easy to hear, but someone some where in the colosal history of the world has felt that same pain and held their head up high. I lost that somewhere. And, I pray to god that I never lose it again.

Oh, Mark, I am 24.

Whats Demoral?

Gld your better.

Scary.

Demerol, sorry, I misspelled it. lol.

Demerol is a form of meperidine.
Meperidine belongs to the class of medications known as narcotic analgesics. It is used to treat moderate to severe pain associated with medical, surgical, and dental procedures. It acts on the brain to relieve pain.

It's gnarly stuff to mess with it you don't need it.

BAD BAD BAD.

My tongue is still black. And I can taste it when I cough. Maybe that's the charcoal, I don't know.

For the longest time it was only available by injection. Get this, in BANANA flavoured syrup...... yeah...
This stuff causes slow breathing, seizures, dizziness, weakness, loss of consciousness, coma, confusion, tiredness, cold and clammy skin, small pupils, and death.

Nothing is ever as bad as you think.

I too found life hard when I was 24. When you are young you are going to shake the world until the world shakes you.

However sometimes you have to fight back. You pick yourself up, brush yourself down and carry on.

Nothing is as bad as you think it is. Unless of course it is a performance put on by the local magic club.

Glad your back with us mate and I'll be thinking of you take care.

Mark; wow I have a great deal more respect for you than I did have Kudos...

Yesterday is a cancelled cheque. Tomorrow is a promissory note. Today is cash. Spend it wisely.

One day at a time.

Hi,

Glad your back with us. Stick at it!

You've beaten temptation! Stick at it!

Look at the positive things in life.

Take care,
Tom

Glad to hear you OK.

Feeling down like that is a real drag.

I've gone thru it myself, but luckilly my wife stood by me and made me go to see the doctor.

Its been 4+ years now since I started taking medication for the depression, but in March I changed jobs and this has made a big difference, I'm now down to 20mg of pills every two days, instead of 30mg every day, and feel like I can cut this down further in a couple of weeks time.

If you do feel down, get some help. Its not worth putting yourself and your family through the grief. Theres no shame in asking for help, and most doctors these days will take the time to listen and offer advice.

Rememeber, you are not going mad or a loony, you are ill, the same as if you had a cold or flu. Sometimes the mind needs to shut down for whatever reason and needs a bit of a kick start to get going again, thats where the anti-depresent drugs come into play.

The drugs are not a miracle cure, but will help you get thru a difficult period, mine just happened to be 4 or so years long, yours could be a few months or less.

Take care slinkey

Rob

slinkey1981 wrote:Thank you Mr Lewis, I know that I will overcome this. I will be a stronger person for it. And I thank god that my stupid plan was thwarted. I just wonder if I will view all of my life up to this date as "before the day i tried..." and "after the day" This is one of those things that so few of us make it through, and thank god so few of us try.

I am so happy that I didn't do what I set out to do that night. I don't want to think about where that would have left me with my religious beliefs. And I don't know where I am for trying.

Perhaps instead of regarding thinking of it as 'the day before' and 'after day' as a negative thing, make it positive. It can be a turning point, a defining point in your life. You went through something very horrible, but you are turning it all around, you came back. And you are trying to tell others about your experience, which is a *very* good thing in my book. Not enough people talk about this, but I'm sure there are a lot of people who have felt this deseperate in their lives. I know I have. Yes, I'm only 19, and my situation wasn't like yours (mental illeness, not situation) but I was nearly drawn to the same point as you. Fortunately for me I got help before it went that far. I'll be on medication for the rest of my life, but what's taking a few pills each night, compared to being able to live your life?

I don't know what your religious convictions are, but I know that this quote helped me. Mother Theresa said "I know that God will not send me anything I cannot handle."

Slinkey, I am glad you realise how truly precious ones life is and if it were taken away; those who cared for that individual would be hurt the most. The advice Mark gave you is great advice and you would be wise to absorb what he has shared with you, as we would be equally wise to appreciate and learn from what you have shared with us. I hope you recover soon and come out of this with a different perspective; a perspective where you will notice that there is light in the midst of darkness and beauty where you least expect it. I do believe in the saying that time heals all wounds; keep living and I am sure you will most definitely find this out for yourself.