talkmagic.co.uk

nikj.

spinx yes.
potatoe yes
broken stool yes.

four wheels and flies chitty chitty bang bang?.
a river?.
word / secret?.
holding your breath.?

Wha can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, a bed but never sleeps and a head but never weeps?

Is this a river?

Try this...

http://smallcampus.net/html/maths_games ... IQGame.swf

You need to get everyone across the river. They can
only go 2 at a time and only
the mother, father and the policeman know how to work
the raft.
Also, the thief cannot be left with any civilians without
the policeman present.
And the father cannot be left with any of the
daughters without the mother present.
And the mother can't be left with any of the
sons without the father present.

When launched, click on the blue circle. You then
double click on the
individuals to get them onto the raft and then the red
levers to get the raft to
move

chitty bang bang no,
River yes,
secret no,
breath yes.

What has 4 wheels and flies???? A dustcart. Very poor.

while we are sinking :

Two muffins in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other muffin and says "it's hot in here isn't it?
The other muffin says *%!^* me! A talking muffin!

I know i know, I'll get me coat....

It was Nick who was responsible for the "4 wheels and flies". Nowt to do wi me. I would never stoop so low......

Our local dustcarts have six wheels. But probably only three if they stop for too long - plus enough bricks to build a house.

two snowmen in a filed, one turns to the other and says
"can you smell carotts"

Bil and Ben in the bath, Bill goes, fluba,luba,luba,flub,lub... and ben says, Bill have you just farted.

Oh, how low can we stoop.....

Doctor Bob had slept with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day
long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt
and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.

Every once in a while he'd hear that soothing voice within himself, trying
to reassure him: "Bob, don't worry about it.

You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you
won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go...." But invariably the
other voice would bring him back to reality:















"Bob, you're a vet."

And if you're feeling really low, then howabout trying a few of these Office dares.....


ONE-POINT DARES
> >
> >1) Run one lap around the office at top speed.
> >
> >2) Groan out loud 'It's coming!' in the bathroom cubicle (at
>least one
> > other 'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time).
> >
> >3) Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
> >
> >4) Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name
>and
> > say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye".
> >
> >5) To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over
>your ears
> > and grimace.
> >
> >6) When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and
>whisper
> > huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!".
> >
> >7) Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out,
> > say,"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
> >
> >8) Walk sideways to the photocopier.
> >
> >9) While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the
>doors
> > open.
> >
> >THREE-POINTS DARES
> >
> >1) Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
>double-
> > barreled fingers.
> >
> >2) Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you
>get all
> > that, I don't want to have to repeat it".
> >
> >3) Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
> >
> >4) Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from
>the
> > nozzle (there must be a 'non-player' within sight).
> >
> >5) Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
> >
> >FIVE POINT DARES
> >
> >1) At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be
>nice to
> > conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra
>points you
> > actually launch into it yourself).
> >
> >2) Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch
>you with
> > growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
> >
> >3) For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
> >
> >4) Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go
>do a
> > number two".
> >
> >5) After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican
>accent. As
> > in "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one
>hour.
> >
> >6) While an office mate is out, move their chair into the
>elevator.
> >
> >7) In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead
>repeatedly and
> > mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!".
> >
> >8) At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is
>my
> > witness, I'll never go hungry again".
> >
> >9) In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in
>tights".
> >
> >10)Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna
> > trade?"...
> >
> >11) Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same
>person: "Do
> > you hear that?" "What?""Never mind, it's gone now".
> >
> >12) Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I
>can't
> > talk about it".
> >
> >13) Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's
>won a
> > lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
> >
> >14) Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during
>a very
> > important conference call.
> >
> >15) Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
> >
> >16) Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of
>your
> > pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it
>out.
> >

he he he he I Lke it...This threadis MASSIVE!

Rabbit walks ito a butchers and says "have you any carrots?"

The butcher says, "no im a butcher i dont sell carrots"

So the next day the rabbit comes back to the butchers and says "have you any carrots?"

And the butcher says, "no i've told u before im a butcher i dont sell carrots, now bu**er off."

So the next day again, the rabbit comes back to the butchers and says "have you any carrots?"

And the butcher says, "no i've told u before im a butcher i dont sell carrots, if u come here asking for carrots again im going to get a box of nails and nail your ears to the counter!!!!."

So the next day again, the rabbit comes back to the butchers and says "have you any nails?"


The butcher says, "no im a butcher i dont sell nails"

And the rabbit says "Ok then, you got any carrots"


BUM BUM!!!!

Excellent Andy,
Anyone else care to clear out their inboxes?

a rabbit names bill goes into a resturant that serves rabbits and orders cheese tostie, the next day tomatoes on toast then egg on toast, spagettie and sausage, prunes, beaf wellington, tuna and sweetcorn, curry, chineese chicken tosties, every day for two weeks.

a fortnight later another rabbit walks into the resturant.
"have you seen billy"
"I'm afraid he died sam"
"0h what off"
"mix-ama-tosties".

!
BaB starts to dig his own grave......