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a woman takes her sick dog to the vets...

the vet examines the dog and turns to the woman and says: "can you say aaaahhh for me please madam..."

she says "why should i say that, its not me thats ill..."

vet says "i know, but your dog's just died..."

This one is pretty evil but...

How did Hitler die?

He had a heart attack when he saw his gas bill.

"Called up my local indian take away the other day and asked if they deliver, they replied no sir we do lamb chicken or fish!"

A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.

''May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.

"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.

"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"

"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"

What did the blonde say as she walked into a bar?
"Ouch!"

How do you get a blonde to break her nose?
Lie naked under a sheet of glass.

what food did mama cass choke to death on?
sundae, sundae...

This, in my opinion, is one of the best jokes in the world...


So two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.




Badum, chhhhhhhh!


YESSSSS

o.k. guys youhave to be married to appreciate this one.

one day there is a man in a hardware store. After he gets done checking out he is walking to his car,when he see's the strangest thing. There is a man walking a dog, and behind him are 2 hurst, and behind him a line of men as far as the eye can see. the man just cant take it, hes goes up and ask the man walking the dog what this was all about. The man replies well the people in the 2 hurst are my wife, and mother-in-law. And my dog here mauled them both. then the man ask if he can borrow the dog, and the man walking the dog replies, get in line.

A bloke goes to the doctors.

Doc, I think I'm a moth!

I beg your pardon?

I said I think I'm a moth!

What on earth are you talking about man?

I am absolutely, catagorically convinced I'm a moth!

I'm sorry, I don't think I'm qualified to help you..

I don't want you to help me!

What you doing here then?

Your light was on.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

I've just got a new stepladder

My real ladder left home when I was 6...

Two Cannibals in a Restaurant one Cannibal said to the other Cannibal the food taste nasty here the other Cannibal said yes I know but the waiter was very tasty

How about that dyslexic drunk who choked to death on his vimto

Two cannibals eating a clown; one turns to the other, and says 'Does this taste funny to you?'.

Or the dyslexic devil worshipper, who sold his soul to santa..