talkmagic.co.uk

I love one liners in magic - the classics are amazing and whilst magicians may think them cheesy, specs lap them up

"Sign the card...I want your name...credit card details/telephone number..."

"Hold out your hand...your clean hand..."

"How did you do that?" "Very well thanks!"

But I wondered if you guys could pool your witty banter together to help me out. Recently ive been coming across a lot of AM's (alpha males) who who to play screw the magician. Whilst their games dont generally work, there are a couple of things that they all do consistently that annoy me.

1) When asking a (particularly attractive) female to sign a card, the AM will lean over and most cleverly instruct the young lady to draw a penis on the card. Their wit truly knows no bounds. Whilst this isn't so annoying, it does deserve some mildly offensive shoot down.

2) On completion of an illusion, the AM will cleverly wave his hands as if undergoing an epilectic fit and (whilst foaming at the mouth slightly from too much falling over juice) will deliver his well thought out, sarcastic quip/punch line "Ohhhhhh...maaagicccc!"

Any amusing responses to such 'banter'?

Thank you my darlings,

Alex x

One good one i use in conjunction with the riffle force is:

I'm gonna riffle through these cards and you must say stop at a card as i do so *riffle too quick for them to say stop*..No,ya see the idea is to say stop AS I'm riffling the cards,lets go again *immitate that u are about to do a riffle but really dont riffle at all*.The spectator should call stop even though ya didnt riffle.Say ''I havent started yet''.That usually gets a laugh with me although I'm sure it will only challenge the heckler to annoy you more.

If the AM says draw a willy,then i think it would be best to shoot him down in the way that makes him seem gay.In other words pause for a sec and look at him quizically and say something like ''If thats what your into''.

As for the ''Oh magic'' part i cant rele think of something to say to that because i wouldnt imagine there is much to say to it.

hope that helps

a) i said your signature - not a portrait of your friend...
b) smile and thank him for his articulate response...

seriously though - isnt it better to ask the alpha male to be part of it all, something where he gets the applause instead? i wouldnt get into the whole oneupmanship thing personally...

and if a small group dont want to see any magic..leave 'em be...

as soon as you present yourself as "I'm better than you" (not saying you do) then people will go on the attack...

oh and if you speak quietly to the person directly involved - the ones who will want to listen will tell the louder ones to shut it...you dont have to do anything...

If you're really, really brave, hit them with this one:

"You should really show me some respect...I could be your father but the dog beat me over the fence."

ultimatecreate wrote:1) When asking a (particularly attractive) female to sign a card, the AM will lean over and most cleverly instruct the young lady to draw a penis on the card. Their wit truly knows no bounds. Whilst this isn't so annoying, it does deserve some mildly offensive shoot down.

assuming it's the lady spec's boyfriend making the quip, and assuming you're using "standard" size playing cards"... use all or part of the following depending on how annoying they are.

On taking the card and studying it you reply "Ah, so you've done a drawing... and written a... ah hmmm, if you'll pardon the punn ...a LITTLE note on the card as well, now what does it say? Oh yes, a picture of my boyfriend's... ENLARGED to show detail... I do this same effect with postage stamps as well... can I use you again later?"

ultimatecreate wrote:2) On completion of an illusion, the AM will cleverly wave his hands as if undergoing an epilectic fit and (whilst foaming at the mouth slightly from too much falling over juice) will deliver his well thought out, sarcastic quip/punch line "Ohhhhhh...maaagicccc!"

gesturing toward the loud mouth spec, "Ladies and Gentleman, before the accident my friend here understood what I do was trickery for your collective entertainment... now he's convinced it's real... you may also find him checking under the table for hidden microphones and talking to an imaginary friend he calls BOB".

I think abraxus has hit the nail on the head - that is great advice. Having said that, I also love Michael Jay's line [goes off in search of a pen and note book].

If you are anything like me, I will usually come up with a great comeback. Problem is, it's always after my performance has finished and everyone has gone home.

Alpha males... yes.

I wish I could help. I came up against one of these the other night, a housemate of my girlfriend's friends. I did a rainbow deck style effect with him and another girl that went down well, so, having involved him I thought I'd focus on the girls (who I actually know, I hadn't met him before though) as really the whole idea was I was showing them some magic as my gf had told them about it.

I got one of them to sign a card and did card to mouth - fine - everyone else is naturally in on it anyway. Then did card to wallet, only because of the way we were all hunched against a table, the guy saw my hand go south. I saw that he had, smiled and winked and him and he smiled back - he seemed like a decent guy. It got a great reaction.

Then, as I was leaving I decided to end on a "mental" note by asking one of the other girls to think of a card, and doing the card in pocket prediction from Ben Earl's DVD. The effect worked fine for them, but for some reason it was the straw that broke the camel's back with regard to our alpha friend. They went "that's amazing, that's impossible" etc. and he sulkily burst out with "no it's not! He flicked it into his hand! Watch his hands, not his eyes! Sorry to spoil your tricks, but..."

Tw@t. I was on my way out anyway so I just smiled humbly, kissed my beautiful girlfriend and said my goodbyes.

What's funny is how he said "sorry to spoil your tricks"... I felt like saying, "you didn't spoil them for me, a55hole, I know how they work...". It's really annoying when people just aren't mature enough to see that it's much more fun to leave people with a sense of mystery than to childishly spout your mouth off.

Anyway, if someone can think up a great come back or one liner that makes you somehow look graceful but makes them feel pathetic and miniscule, tell me. I know, I know - "you make hecklers" etc, but honestly, I am not an arrogant performer. What's more annoying is I was sure I had him on-side. Sometimes, people just need everyone else to know how clever they are.


For my contribution, here's one for if someone demands to inspect something, or catches you out - "ah, I can see you're nobody's fool... but don't worry, someone might adopt you."

If someone's being silly and draws a penis on the card, you could say something like "Well, I was going to make the card magically appear from my pocket, but now I'm not so sure."

That way it'll probably get a laugh, which will diffuse the situation, but the laugh won't be at anyone's expense.

Or if you wanted something a little more dangerous, as a put-down to the alpha male, you could say "I see. Very witty. But you do realise that part of this trick requires you to take the card in your hand and rub it, don't you?"

I agree, Replicant. In all honesty, I do my very best to never get confrontational with a heckler. Abraxus is correct in his assessment (to my way of thinking at least).

Personally, I try to look at the heckler as being someone who just needs to be involved in an effect and simply lacks good people skills or proper self control. The problem with getting confrontational is that you can't win, as a performer. Even if you make the heckler look the ass, it still takes you down a peg in the general scheme of things. Let's face it, if you want to be a magician, then do magic. If you want to be a heckler stopper, then be a comedian.

Regarding the problem that Farlsborough faced, well, each situation is different. As you pointed out, the last trick was the one that broke the camel's back. The guy tried to stay on the side lines, but his lack of character finally came out. Also, I believe (without trying to be a jerk, here) that age has a lot to do with it. Younger guy's egos are more easily bruised than older guy's. As we age, we tend to grow thicker skin or at least become a bit more apathetic to situations around us.

When the younger male sees that he is not the center of attention for his date, he begins to get uncomfortable. This discomfort is then expressed in a need to get confrontational or at least prove that he's just as deserving of attention as the magic guy (or whoever it is that is taking his girl's attention from him). Sadly, some guys will never grow out of this.

Further, queen of clubs brings up a very good point - you can make light of a heckler without the need for a direct attack on them. Make a joke that recognizes the heckler, but at the same time is simply funny in and of itself without confrontational overtones. Quite often, you'll find that the heckler will appreciate your humor and thereafter be completely on your side and fully prepared to put another heckler in his place (I use the term "his" because most hecklers are male).

Again, though, each situation is different. Sometimes there simply is no way to overcome a heckler. They are going to be a jerk regardless of what you do. The best thing in that situation is to simply put your stuff away and forget about it. Don't take it personally, because it isn't you, it is them. That's the way they are. They are more to be pitied than anything else.

Mike.

Abrzxus is right on when writing "i wouldnt get into the whole oneupmanship thing"

First of all, it's dangerous to your health; you could end up in an alley, beaten to a pulp. (And, while you may think that is funny, it HAS happened).

Secondly, and more importantly, you would use a "heckler stopper" ONLY with a real heckler, a fairly rare species. Usually, the person who makes a comment during your act thinks that he or she is, in fact, helping you to be funnier or, at least, better.

Michael Jay is 101 per cent right when he says: "The problem with getting confrontational is that you can't win. . ."

Remember, no matter how big a fool you may consider the heckler (if, in fact, he or she IS a heckler), he or she is a member of the audience and has the audience on his or her side.

Above all, heed Michael Jay's comment: ". . . it isn't you, it is them. "

To paraphrase the great John Scarne, concentrate on your performance and if it is good, the audience will resent anything or anyone who interferes with or disrupts it.

dont forget, when people do this kinda thing, they are really saying

"i dont like this - i feel threatened...who is she/he to think that they're better than me and try and fool me, I'm no body's fool..."

placate, soothe, and befriend those people a.s.a.p. - it's your job, even if in your mind you are picking up a table and crushing them with it...

so if you immediately single them out and say "right, i need someone who is very strong minded and who people kinda look up to for this one...i think you would be perfect, would you please help me?"

what you're really doing is saying "right then ego - this is your reward if you play nicely - you get indirect kudos from your friends and i think you're the top dog in this pack already..."

something like OOTW or a self-worker that makes them the star is -g-g-g-r-r-eat...(in the words of Tony the tiger from the FRosties advert)

failing that, im quite a big and tall lad, i'd just pick up that table and pin them to the wall...not really...

i'd stab them in the eye...

with thease types of guys I usualy say, I know you don't ever have any problems with women but this is how i get laid..... that and rohipnoil.

if someone did the penis joke i'd say that could be a pic of me ..but I'm not folding it in half for anyone.

bearing in mind i usualy know all the bouncers by name in the local clubs so know they have my back.
generaly when confronted by an alpha male i just say its entertainment my friend i'll leave you to perform the big gala show later on tonight. usualy sorts the situation out.

Perhaps self-deprecation maybe useful? Rather than attempting one upmanship, or placing a joke on them-use it on yourself to lighten the mood further. I know it works when you've been fooled to admit it and join in on the laugh.

So for the phallic situation something along the lines of "That certainly makes my job a tad harder" or something better (which shouldn't be that hard).

Of course there maybe the problem of inciting further problems...
I do implore you though to treat the advice with some salt, I've never really had to use it so it may not go down great!

Just my 2 pennies

When im working in a bar and there's friendly atmosphere i find you can get away with pretty much insulting the "heckler" , but ONLY if it makes everyone else laugh! - you'll find most people who gather round want to see a performance so they are on your side anyway - if the guy is just having a laugh then go with it (as doc eason says don't take on a heckler because they are probably funnier than you) - if he is genuinely been a dick and no-one else is laughing with him i normally say this:

have you got a blueprint for your brain mate?

- why?

cos im building a f**kwit at home! ...........classic