talkmagic.co.uk

Wresting the thread back on track - for the time being...

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a Vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.
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Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ." "Really, ..." says Mick "Have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
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I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
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My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
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I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid...then I was petrified
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The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
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A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
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I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot .....
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My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70! "Blow this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web."
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Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
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I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.
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I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
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I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, "That guy's heading for a breakdown."
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On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said 'English speaking Doctor' - I thought, 'What a good idea, why don't we have them in our country?'

Don't blame me for them, I only pass 'em on!

What did the Gestapo officer say to the broken down grandfather clock?














"Vee haf vays of makin you tok"....

What can suddenly fly and is very surprised by it?













A penguin on a landmine.

What's blue and not heavy?








Light blue

Tomo wrote:What can suddenly fly and is very surprised by it?



A penguin on a landmine.

Loosely based on QI?

Madelon Hoedt wrote:

Tomo wrote:What can suddenly fly and is very surprised by it?



A penguin on a landmine.

Loosely based on QI?

Dunno. I've missed a lot of this series and the episode on tonight is a repeat from the current series. What's all that about?

I watched QI XL on iPlayer earlier and one of the questions was abou what happens when a penguin walks over a landmine. Strange coincidence..!

Madelon Hoedt wrote:I watched QI XL on iPlayer earlier and one of the questions was abou what happens when a penguin walks over a landmine. Strange coincidence..!

Apparently, after 45, your brain starts shrinking. I'm beginning to wonder if they're right.

I went to a Fortune Teller last week. She studied my hand and said "You've been masturbating". I said "Hey you are good . Can you tell me anything about my future?". She looked at my face and said "You'll be doing it for long time".

A friend of mine said he could turn me into a red Indian. I asked 'how'

All these jokes about chuck norris are nonsense. I challenge him, that if the statements are true, then he should appear behind me and repeatedly slam my head into my comphffcdbmg gdvnjjj,koibcc dfghgcrhjjnnb jvdrhj

Q: What do you call a dinosaur who prefers a skirt to trousers?

A: Trannysaurus Rex.

The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza place and says "Can you make me one with everything?"

And so it came to pass....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlIrI80og8c

It's the way he tells 'em......