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by **Lady of Mystery** » Dec 7th, '06, 15:54

from my advent calendar the other day...

What happens to a snow ball if you drop in in a bucket of water???

It gets wet :roll:

by **I.D** » Dec 8th, '06, 18:35

my girl said to me last night 'give me 12 inches and hurt me'

so I f***** her twice and hit her with a brick!

sorry I know you said clean but I couldnt help it

by **Beardy** » Dec 8th, '06, 19:57

lol - that last one was classic!

by **magicmonkey** » Dec 8th, '06, 20:13

rofl ID, not heard that in ages
:lol:

What's stiff and exites women?

Elvis

What's hard and stiff when it goes in and soft and sticky when it comes out?

Chewing gum

:lol: You filthy minded lot :lol:

by **I.D** » Dec 8th, '06, 20:30

Most likely to change the direction of a clean thread??

I.D

by **magicmonkey** » Dec 8th, '06, 22:03

heh heh, probably...but they are clean....ish

by **IAIN** » Dec 18th, '06, 17:31

when do goldfish go to the toilet? when they die...

by **Lady of Mystery** » Dec 19th, '06, 10:54

What do christmas elves learn at school?

The elfabet

by **greedoniz** » Dec 19th, '06, 12:18

Two fish in a tank and one says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"

Two parrots on a perch and one says "Can you smell fish?"

Why does Edward Woodwood have 4 D's in his name? Otherewiese he'd be Ewar Woowar.

by **IAIN** » Dec 19th, '06, 12:22

a mentalist is in a supermarket queue, he taps the lady infront on the shoulder and says:

"excuse me madam, i couldnt help notice that you have got some cat food, a loaf of bread and some bacon in your basket....you must be single...."

she looks at him in amazement "why thats brilliant, how did you know that.."

the mentalist smiles and says "because you are really....really....ugly"

by **Mandrake** » Jan 31st, '07, 18:45

This just arrived from one of our US suppliers, I thought I'd post this in the old thread and apologise in advance if anyone finds it offensive but I'm still chuckling so tuff!

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never
been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the new young Priest came to call on her and she showed
him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she
prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young Priest noticed a
cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water,
and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The Priest tried
to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and the strange floater, but
soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist.
"Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the
park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all
winter."

OK, I'll get my coat.......

by **Lady of Mystery** » Feb 1st, '07, 12:02

Very good Mandrake, I like that

by **Mandrake** » Feb 15th, '07, 16:39

Did you hear about the Interior Decorator and his Wife who always fell out of bed towards the end of their lovemaking? Apparently they both preferred a matt finish.....

by **Farlsborough** » Feb 15th, '07, 22:31

How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?

Let's go play on bikes!

by **Lawrence** » Feb 15th, '07, 22:40

it's funny cause i have attention def.....ooo, a squirrel!!

anyway, a joke...
Why do women fake orgasms?

because they think men care.

(since this clearly stopped being clean a while back i though i'd bring it in)

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