talkmagic.co.uk

AJ82 wrote:How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a
fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."

That one made me laugh out loud!

Bruce Springsteen has opened a Sea Food bar, it is called 'Prawn in the USA'

mmm Stella is good

I brought my grandma a graphicd tablet last week so she could join the other silver surfers....
I called her today and asked her how she got on with it, she said it took a few glasses of water but i finaly got it down....

Two guys chatting about women in the pub, one says to the other
"I'm a Tit man myself"

The other gives him a dirty look and says

"That's a bit sexist isn't it?"

So the first man thinks for a bit then says

"yes. Sorry about that. I'm a Tit Person"

The Magistrates Court was in full session dealing with matters judicial etc when a man covered from head to foot in scarves rushed in, groped the upper anatomy of all the women and rushed out again. Yes folks, a muffled titter ran through the court.

Great stuff guys.

Any of you hear the about the queer shephard who kept mountain goats?








say it out loud

And the cannibal who passed his father in the street?

can i go this far on a clean jokes thread?




there are 2 nuns in the bath

nun1 "where's the soap?"

nun2 "yeah it does doesn't it"




boom boom

an old 'un but still one of my faves

Two snails walking down the street with a slug following just behind them. 'Don't look now', said one snail, 'but we're being followed by a nudist'.

So the doctor says to his patient.
"I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is you have cancer"

The man is devistated. Almost in tears. So he says

"whats the good news doc?"

The doctor says. "You have altheimers"

The man is flabagasted. then calms down a bit and says

"well, at least I don't have cancer..."

hahaha

bananafish, thank you....

I'm off into town now and that 1 is definately coming with me.

ok here my attempt

kate moss is talking to Jermay clarkson. after a while kate realises she knows jerrmy but dosent know what he does. So she asks him "jerrmy what do you do" he replies "top Gear" imeditly kate pays attiontion and asks if she can have some

i have another but im undecided about how rude it is

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "NO! I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology, and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean £200?"