talkmagic.co.uk

@ the last few
I must wee now

magicmonkey wrote::




there are 2 nuns in the bath

nun1 "where's the soap?"

nun2 "yeah it does doesn't it"

Call me thick, or possibly naive, but I didn't get that one at all

Er, can't help there much however, two just arrived:

Bill Gates and the chairman of GM are arguing over which company is better. Bill Gates boasts, " If cars grew in technology as fast as computers did, we would be driving v-32 instead of v-8, our cars would get 5000 miles to the gallon, the top speed would be mach seven. Anyway the sticker price for a car would be 50 dollars."

To which the GM chairman replies, " Sure, but would you really want a car that crashes 4 times a day!"

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Why is the mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter?” asked the airline passenger, amid the holiday rush. The clerk replied, “It’s so you can kiss your luggage good-bye.”

There is a new pub (bar) for retired conman and hookers. It is called the "old bull and bush"

Well, as the tone has been lowered again (thank you!) try this:

A guy goes to the Doctor and, rather embarrassed, says, 'I've got a worrying problem Doc, I woke up this morning and found I have a row of holes all along my, er, male member - very awkward when passing water, it goes everywhere'.

'Oh dear,' says the Doc, who scribbles on a piece of paper and hands it to the guy saying, 'Go see this man, he'll be able to help.' 'Ah, thank you' says the guy, 'is he a medical specialist?' 'No', says the Doc, 'he's a clarinet player but he'll show you where to put your fingers'.

(Sorry, so very very sorry!)

What's dumb, lives under a bridge, and bothers goats?

Tomo, Its a troll according to kids books

Yay!

Mandrake wrote:Er, can't help there much

Someone explained it to me. I see why you couldn't help now. Oh dear.

It was actually used as one of the end jokes on a Vicar of Dibley episode!

Mandrake wrote:It was actually used as one of the end jokes on a Vicar of Dibley episode!

I can take or leave Dibley, but the bits at the end are great. The one where Alice insists that her childhood budgie, Carrot, had been reincarnated several times when in fact it was her dad replacing a dead pet is priceless.

Got this via email not sure if its funny

Raul, Ronaldo and Beckham were all at Real Madrid's canteen.

They were eating lunch and Raul said; "Tapas again! If I get Tapas one
more time for lunch I'm going to jump off the top off the stadium."

Ronaldo opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get
burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

Beckham opened his lunch and said, "Ham & Cheese again! If I get a Ham &
Cheese sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day Raul opened his lunch box, saw Tapas and jumped to his
death.

Ronaldo opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped too.

Beckham opened his lunch, saw the Ham & Cheese and jumped to his death
as well.

At the funeral Raul's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how
really tired he was of Tapas I never would have given it to him again!"

Ronaldo's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the skinny arseless bint wearing oversized
sun glasses and a trailer trash trucker baseball cap.

"Hey, don't look at me," said Posh, "David makes his own lunch."

ROFL at that one! i have heard it as 3 builders an english on scotish one and and irish one of course but i love the fact they call posh spice a bint! LOL