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I can't believe this thread is still going!

whats brown and rhymes with snoop







DR Dre

A German guy approaches one of the ladies of the night.
'I vish to buy Zex vit shoo.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge 50 an hour.'
'..Ist gut, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky, ja?'
'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do a little kinky.'
So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
'I vant zat you tie ze Springs to each of your Hans und Knees.'
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said to her hands and knees.
'Now you vill get on your Hans und Knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.
'You vill please to blow zis Kwacker as I make love to you.'
She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and after all, the guy is paying).
She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.
Her climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,
'Wow! That was totally amazing. What do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German . . .'zat is ze....
wait for it ..........
"Four-sprung Duck Technique"

A government warning said that anyone travelling in icy conditions should take:

Shovel, Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves
24 hours supply of food and drink
De-Icer
5Kgs of Rock Salt
Torch or lantern with spare batteries
Road Flares and Reflective Triangles
Tow rope
5 gallon petrol Jerry can
First Aid Kit
Jump Leads





I looked a complete pratt on the bus this morning.......

Over the last few years, children have been losing their innocence younger and younger. They try to hide it, but you can tell they slip up sometimes. I heard a kid once say he swims doggy-style and that he caught a girl in homeroom class fingering her nose.

Okay, that's a bit on the edge. When/if I start using it in my street show, I'm hoping it'll go over the kids' heads.

A woman bodybuilder goes to the doctors and says. Ive grown a penis because ive taken steroids. The doctor asks anabolic? She replied no just a penis.

not having read all 42 pages of jokes im hoping nobodys already posted my fav (clean) joke....

whats E.T short for?
(Extra Terrestrail)
NO cos hes only got little legs!!!

tee hee

Paddy's walking down the street, during Marching Season, when he spies a discarded sandwich with two red wires sticking out of it.

He phones the police and says, "Bejaysus - Oi've just found a sandwich dat looks loike a feckin' bomb!"

The operator asks, "Is it tickin'?"

"No," says Paddy, "Oi think it's beef..."

Dermatology: the study of Irishmen.

Just got 3D TV.
Deary me it's good!
Fell asleep during the Liverpool game, when I woke up my wallet had gone!

The Mother in Law has been staying with us for the past few weeks.
For years there had been tension between us.
Then last night I walked in the bathroom, as she lay naked in the tub.
I locked the door, & we both looked at each other through the steamy atmosphere.
I paused, then realised I couldn't contain my feeling for her any longer.
So I drowned the old git.

CArlight1958 wrote:The Mother in Law has been staying with us for the past few weeks.
For years there had been tension between us.
Then last night I walked in the bathroom, as she lay naked in the tub.
I locked the door, & we both looked at each other through the steamy atmosphere.
I paused, then realised I couldn't contain my feeling for her any longer.
So I drowned the old git.

Anagram of 'Mother-in-law' is 'Woman Hitler'

Would now be a good time to plug my dear friend Louis Barfe's excellent biography The Trials and Triumphs of Les Dawson?

I could tell the mother-in-law was coming 'round, 'cos the mice had started throwing themselves on the traps.

Mr_Grue wrote:Would now be a good time to plug my dear friend Louis Barfe's excellent biography [i]The Trials and Triumphs of Les Dawson

One of the best comedian's to have ever graced our screens.

God bless Les

Who sang "Tiger Feet"?