talkmagic.co.uk

It was entertainment night at the old folks club, and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, ' Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience.' The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. 'I want each one of you to keep your eye on this antique watch.

It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.' He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...' The crowd was mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.......................... 'SH*T!' said the hypnotist...

It took three days to clean the place.

Birmingham girls are good!!
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform.

Terry had married a woman from America, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do the dishes and all the cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were washed and put away.

James had married a woman from Australia and he bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a huge meal on the table.

The third man said the he had married a girl from Birmingham. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house cleaned, the dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough to make himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a gardener.

"Already, the Origami Bank has folded; the Sumo Bank has gone belly-up; Bonsai Bank is cutting back branches; Karaoke Bank is up for sale and going for a song; shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 jobs at Karate Bank will be chopped.

"And there's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank."

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old. Hateful little b*st*rd. Bites!

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, AKC German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog...able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG.
Looks like a rat . Been out a while.
Better be a big reward.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC RUNNING TRACK
£300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £320.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake . Call Stephanie.

And the best one:
FOR SALE BY OWNER :
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition.
£500 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last month. Wife knows everything.