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3 Holy Men and a Bear

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experience.

Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation. "

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

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Education....
A man is stopped by the police at midnight and asked where he’s going.
“I’m on the way to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol and drug abuse on the human body.”
The policeman asks, “Really? And who’s going to give a lecture at this time of night?”

“My wife”, comes the reply

The lord of the manor was just starting to wonder why his gamekeeper Paddy was so late getting back from his patrol, when the phone rang.
"Sorry, sor," said Paddy. "I had a bit of an accident in the Land Rover on the way back, I hit a pig."
"Well,just put it on the side of the road and we'll pick it up later."

Eric applied for a job as a farrier at Lord Ponsonby's racing stables. 'Have you ever shoed a horse?’ asked his Lordship. 'No' said Eric, 'but I once told a donkey to b.ugger off'

NEWS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST.

10,000 Egyptian troops have entered Jordan.
She says she's a bit sore but is coping well.

An Englishman; Irishman and a Scotsman enter a bar and order a Guinness.
It being a nice day they head outside to the garden
As they sit down a fly lands in each man's glass.

With a shudder of revulsion the Englishman pushes his glass aside and goes to order another one.

Nonplussed the Scot pulls the fly out of the glass and starts drinking.

The Irishman pulls the fly out, holds it over the glass and cries...

"Spit it out you bu**er; Spit it out!"

Do you use an external keyboard attached to your laptop ?
I'm not saying that you are a geek - that would just be sterotyping.

what do you get hanging off an apple tree ..... sore arms

I can't believe my thread is still going! I started this years ago

And there a few mucky ones hidden in the back pages!

how do you confuse a blond?
paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

Mandrake wrote:And there a few mucky ones hidden in the back pages!

Mostly posted by Mandrake himself, the dirty old codger.

I just had a card posted through my door that said: "Alcoholic? We can help. Call this number..." So I called them up and it was my local off-licence.

I got all excited this morning. The door bell rang and when I opened the door there was a very attractive young lady standing there who said she wanted to get me upstairs as quickly as possible. Turns out she was selling Stannah Stairlift systems....

Little Johnny and his family were having dinner at his grandmother's house.

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer," his mother said.

"I don't need to," the boy replied.

"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. We always say a prayer before eating at our house."

"That's at our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"