Have you got a joke (clean) worse than mine!

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Postby Farlsborough » Sep 10th, '09, 21:41



This has been my favourite joke recently, and I heard it off Paul McCartney on YouTube! As far as I'm concerned it's the best thing he ever did for me...

Anyhoo...

A backpacker is struggling through a storm in a remote part of Ireland. He sees a pub on the hill and struggles towards it; pulling the door behind him he realises the pub is totally empty but for the bartender.

"Hi there, I'm David!" he says, expecting an introduction in kind. The bartender frowns suspiciously at him. He pauses, and then says, "did you see that fence out there, on the way up the hill?"
"...Yes, I did."
"What did you think of it?"
"Looked like a fine fence, good and sturdy" replies David, a little puzzled.

"I built that fence with me own two hands, took me a month. But do they call me, "Paddy the Fence Maker"? Noooooooo." The bartender slaps his open palms down hard on the bar. "And what you think of this bar then?"
"Looks like a good bar to me, very nice. I like the decorative carving."
"It's solid mahogany this bar, made it me'self. But do they call me, "Paddy the Bar Maker"? Nooooooo."

Our intrepid backpacker doesn't know what to make of all this, and orders a guinness. The bartender carefully pulls his drink and slides it over to him.

"How do you like that guinness then son?"
"Delicious. Perfectly poured - you've done a great shamrock in the top too."
"Best guinness puller for twenty miles, me. But do they call me, "Paddy the guinness-puller? Nooooooo.






...but you f*ck one goat..."

:lol:

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Postby Tomo » Sep 10th, '09, 22:31

I'm not saying I was an ugly baby but until I was six the only people who cuddled me were scientists.

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Postby MagicalSmithy » Sep 11th, '09, 02:16

Tomo wrote:I'm not saying I was an ugly baby but until I was six the only people who cuddled me were scientists.

My birth certificate was an official appology from the condom company.

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Postby Mandrake » Sep 11th, '09, 09:26

I'm not saying I was an ugly baby but when I was young they had to shove bacon up my vest so the dog would play with me...

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Postby Mr_Grue » Sep 11th, '09, 10:33

My wife just bought me a fruit cake.
Genoa?
Yes, we've been married for fifteen years.

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Postby Mr_Grue » Sep 11th, '09, 10:37

moonbeam wrote:For decades, two heroic nude statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.


Reminds me of this...

http://www.last.fm/music/Jake+Thackray/_/The+Statues

Simon Scott

If the spectator doesn't engage in the effect,
then the only thing left is the method.


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Postby Tomo » Sep 11th, '09, 10:53

I thought Eartha Kit was a gardening set.

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Postby Mr_Grue » Sep 11th, '09, 11:03

Amy Winehouse?
Amy Winehouse, more like!

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Postby Replicant » Sep 11th, '09, 11:29

Mr_Grue wrote:My wife just bought me a fruit cake.
Genoa?
Yes, we've been married for fifteen years.


My wife's gone on holiday.
Jamaica?
No, she went of her own accord.

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Postby Tomo » Sep 11th, '09, 11:32

I thought psychedelia was a cook book for the insane...

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Postby Mr_Grue » Sep 11th, '09, 11:53

My wife's just run off with a comedian.
Jimmy Carr?
Yes.

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Postby Mr_Grue » Sep 11th, '09, 11:53

My dog's got no ears.
How does it hear?
Pardon?

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Postby MagicalSmithy » Sep 11th, '09, 19:42

Mr_Grue wrote:My dog's got no ears.
How does it hear?
Pardon?



STOP PLEASE :lol: !!!!!!!!!!!!

why did the chickin try cross the train track.....





Coz his wife left him.

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Postby Tomo » Sep 11th, '09, 19:48

Mr_Grue wrote:My wife's just run off with a comedian.
Jimmy Carr?
Yes.

Norfolk: so flat, you can watch your wife walk out on you... for days.

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Postby FRK » Sep 11th, '09, 20:21

Farlsborough wrote:This has been my favourite joke recently, and I heard it off Paul McCartney on YouTube! As far as I'm concerned it's the best thing he ever did for me...

Anyhoo...

A backpacker is struggling through a storm in a remote part of Ireland. He sees a pub on the hill and struggles towards it; pulling the door behind him he realises the pub is totally empty but for the bartender.

"Hi there, I'm David!" he says, expecting an introduction in kind. The bartender frowns suspiciously at him. He pauses, and then says, "did you see that fence out there, on the way up the hill?"
"...Yes, I did."
"What did you think of it?"
"Looked like a fine fence, good and sturdy" replies David, a little puzzled.

"I built that fence with me own two hands, took me a month. But do they call me, "Paddy the Fence Maker"? Noooooooo." The bartender slaps his open palms down hard on the bar. "And what you think of this bar then?"
"Looks like a good bar to me, very nice. I like the decorative carving."
"It's solid mahogany this bar, made it me'self. But do they call me, "Paddy the Bar Maker"? Nooooooo."

Our intrepid backpacker doesn't know what to make of all this, and orders a guinness. The bartender carefully pulls his drink and slides it over to him.

"How do you like that guinness then son?"
"Delicious. Perfectly poured - you've done a great shamrock in the top too."
"Best guinness puller for twenty miles, me. But do they call me, "Paddy the guinness-puller? Nooooooo.






...but you f*ck one goat..."

:lol:


I dont get it...

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magic@michaelmagnum.com
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